albrtoj's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Racine, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 30
LOC: Racine, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 30
Hi I’m Alfredo but I go by Freddy. I’m kinda new to writting although its something I’ve always been interested in. My grammar sucks, my spelling’s ok, but what I write is something noone can change. I know I have the skill, but I need to develop the discipline needed to write something worth reading and that’s why I’m here.
I’m open to constructive criticism and don’t mind giving it myself. Please don’t take anything I say too harshly-I tend to be a little outspoken about my opinion.
When it comes to reviews, I try to keep it short and to the point. I refuse to correct any kind of grammar or spelling errors – that’s just a waste of space and credits so don’t do it to me.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
“Tuck your shirt in, and walk straight!” Yelled my mother as she pulled me along while I tried to keep up with her. I could tell she was getting frantic as she was trying to take it all in at once. My Papa Jose was behind us trying to keep up with her as well. He did not appear to be as worried or excited as her for some reason. “Slow down Maria, it’s not like they ever close the gates,” my grandpa chuckled. He found the way she was acting extremely funny. Grandpa’s smile illuminated his kind...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
“Tuck your shirt in, and walk straight!” Yelled my mother as she pulled me along while I tried to keep up with her. I could tell she was getting frantic as she was trying to take it all in at once. My grandpa was behind us trying to keep up with her as well. He did not appear to be as worried or excited as her for some reason. “Slow down Maria, it’s not like they ever close the gates,” my grandpa chuckled. He found the way she was acting extremely funny. Grandpa’s smile illuminated his kind a...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
This isn't really a short story as much as it is a quote. All I can suggest is changing the category it's in and leaving some instructions as to what you want to hear in reviews.
There's some mispellings and grammar errors, but I think you can handle those if you proofread. I'm just going to give you a few questions you should ask yourself. I was forced to ask myself these kinds of questions and I hated it, but its made me a better writter. The main thing to remember is that you're painting a picture for your reader. What you see in your mind is what you're trying to show your reader. Try to give a few descriptions of what your characters looks like, what she sees and...
The story you're telling moves way to fast and not enough is known about the characters for the reader to even care. There's practically no setting most of the time and it's kinda hard to tell who's saying what. This needs ALOT of expansion in the setting and character department. Let me know if you feel I can help.
It looks like this need alot of work. I'm not too sure what's going on most of the time. It seems like you're jumping from place to place using conversations. It's almost impossible to tell who does what and where they are. You're actually talking about several different people in many different places at once at one point in your story. You're moving through everything too fast and not taking the time to paint a picture at all. Yes, we can hear the characters, but we can't picture them. You ...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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