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alexianx's profile

alexianx avatar
AGE: 22
LOC: Gastonia, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 25

Don’t compliment me; critique me. If something works, tell me why. If something doesn’t, tell me why. Don’t hold back and if you feel the need, be harsh. Just be honest.

My Myspace has a proper profile. Join the Urbis group while there!

Here is the first chapter of the three; Artificer is next, then Blasphemy. Random reviews are on.

You’ll get funky results if you use HTML in your profile, as evidenced above.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Horror / Artificer
Version 1
3 Reviews   3 Comments
Chapter 2: Artificer’s City  Mshai’s camel planted itself and skid to a halt, throwing him to the ground. He stumbled to his feet and turned to face the animal with a growl. The camel stared back with puckered lips and appeared to be on the verge of spitting. Tripping over himself, he backed away.   “If you would use a saddle,” Djadao began, chuckling, “he'd be easier to control.”   “We would also move faster,” Remmao said, resumi...
Horror / Blasphemy
Version 1
4 Reviews   14 Comments
 Here, a familiar voice began in his mind, you will reign.   Dormant memories rekindled.   Kashin was hovering above the city he had entered hours earlier. The sun bore down on him, hot against his back, but did not ignite his flesh. From its light, he had a clear view of the city that spread for several miles below him. He recognized the city as the ancient fortress of King Menes, the capital from which Menes once ruled the conquered people of Lower Egypt.   Ineb Hedj wi...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Six Word Memoir
Version 1
9 Reviews   0 Comments
Note to self: I'm not infallible.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Novel Treatments / DA Drake Chp 1 Final
Version 1
17 Reviews   12 Comments
Air whispered across flesh that had felt nothing for what seemed an eternity. Unfamiliar senses assaulted. Touch. Smell. Sound. He recalled them from what seemed another life, but experienced them on the level of a newborn. The mail coat that hung heavy across his shoulders, framed by sable hair, felt proper, its presence comforting. His surroundings, however, did not. Intricate Egyptian hieroglyphs were etched into the floor beneath him, following the rim of a circular pattern carved into th...
Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / I Believe:The Mormo-Ch1 of 6
Despite how plain your writing style is, it kept my attention the entire time. That said, this was a relatively short excerpt and interest may wane with time, as there's nothing to hook it. Your characterization is weak. Actions consist of short, simple sentences and the only hint of Trec's thoughts and personality are through dialogue and seemingly-random—predictable once initiated—meetings with equally-flat characters. She placed her hand on her hip. She poked him in the chest. She gave him...
Short Story / The Game
The story is hollow, like a scene of something much longer; you hint at but never get to it having a point. Where, exactly, did you add more to the story to make it seem whole? An inordinate amount of detail has been thrown into the descriptions of pointless things, yes, but that does nothing but add more words, not meaningful content. The point you flash at but never unveil seems character based, but the mass of your focus went to setting and physical description, the weakest form of charact...
Lyrics / Origami
I simply can't hear some of the lines set to music; they lack the self-contained flow of the others. Specifically in stanza # - line # format: 1-3 2-1 2-4 4-3 4-4 Was it mis-submitted as lyrics? It's otherwise a beautiful poem, though end-line punctuation would help guide rather than detract.
This is a poor-but-exact copy of Anne Rice's style. Vampires are an overdone genre where originality in writing style and content are must-haves. Worse, you took it a step further and named them Tristan & Isolde. You ripped the names either from the movie or the legend behind it; either or, it's unoriginal. In that short excerpt, the word vampire appears 15 times, often two or three times in the same paragraph. That alone is the sign of cookie-cutter vampire stories, generally of the same qua...
Criticism / MySpace Urbis
Trying to take legal action over less than half a dozen immature trolls is more than a bit excessive. This is the internet. It's easy to ignore them and they're to be found on every website.