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ali's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 21
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Version 1
9 Reviews
15 Comments
I sit in awe at the foot of a great mountain And though I never did climb this mountain I can recall my every step From valley to zenith How I walked its slopes Fell in its crevasses The times I found my way And when I was utterly lost And though I may never climb this mountain I won’t forget how cold its nights How warm the sun when it would shine upon me And when I yelled I’ve seen your chasms and peaks, I know you! I thought it safe to ascend For that I see the mountain, the mountain must ...
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Hah! This is very good! A few issues with rhythm here and there though. (I usually hesitate to make such precise suggestions, but limericks are safe and fun! Right? So here goes!) These changes might make the limerick roll off the tongue a little better (at least in my brain). The two "for"s hurt the tongue a little. Removing the first one and then adding something before "hunt" would work. Perhaps... "When words for a poem you would hunt" Removing "will." it kinda interrupts the rhythm "That...
Well I definitely dug the beat-like ramblings! Clever. I gave 'em the nod a few times. It must be a blast to hang out with you! I also liked the snide asides (in parentheses) as that is how I talk in real life, if you know what I mean. (And I suspect you do.) I gotta say, though, the title was a bit of a let down. I kept waiting for the connection. Unless? Unless it is sarcasm?? Then it would be hysterical! Ya know, like when ya say to someone "okay, einstein" ...like, yeah right, einstein kn...
Hahahahaaa!!! That is quite an achievement!! That's called talkin' loud and sayin' somethin'! ...Every line! Excellent!
I was suprised I clicked on this poem due to its title because I don't usually care for (what I think will be) "romancy" poems. I was pleasantly suprised. I set out in search of an extraordinary man, yet I found only an ordinary man ...Excellent! But did you mean to say "doing extraordinary things in extraordinary ways" or did you perhaps mean to say "doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways", or the reverse? Written as such, it would follow the first two lines with justice! "I set out in...
Excellent! A whole tale told in four brilliant stanzas! Such mastery of words! Virago! Who would have known you were the virago! ...Just genius! That line alone is worth the price of admission! I keep saying it over and over in my head, and aloud! Whatever it is that exists within that line, I want more of! The only thing I would even dare make suggestion upon is: "not like other old mothers..." Perhaps "unlike other old mothers..." might be a better choice? Who would have known you were the ...
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