alicats's profile

12000 is not flash fiction. FF is less than 500 or 1000. Your style is not bad, though you were careless to ignore problems in a few places, I believe you have the technical ability to write. The problem is content--there was none. First we're inundated with 6000 words of the ranting of a madman. I did manage to read about 20% with some interest, but he just goes on and on and on saying the same thing in as many different ways as he can come up with. Then we backflash to another 6000 of his j...

Bravo, annonymous. I'd certainly read this. 'hasn’t made good use of' might be a bit clumsy for a one line blurb. I'd move the second sentence to its own paragraph. Clarify 'albeit imaginary, graduate assistant of Dr. Bryant’s own making'. Is Dr P imaginary? and if so, how can he make a 'perfect' bed partner? You probably cover it clearer in the synopsis, but the editor usually wants a clear picture of the story line in the query blurb. Who's the publisher BTW? Being hetero female, I don't wr...

Interesting. Kept me reading through to the end. The fact this is a dream is not a surprise. You could make it dreamier.. actually you're almost there already, but it feels like you're trying to hold off letting us know it's not really happening. Technically, you have some work to do. Start by getting rid of 75% of the pronouns. You'll be amazed and pleased with the results. Also, eliminate every 'that' 'was/were' 'could' 'look' 'watch' 'hear' etc. that you can. This will help you show rather...

hi, annonymous. It's hard to judge the worth of this piece from this prologue. There's nothing wrong with the writing. it is technically sound. the problem is, this is boring, even for a prologue. i took great effort to read for content but my eyes just kept sliding down the page, looking for something to draw me in. in all honesty, i doubt i was able to actually read more than half the words. I don't think this would get past the first read of an agent or publishing house. That said, this en...