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allecto13's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Stafford Springs, CT
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 01
LOC: Stafford Springs, CT
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 01
Tucked away in a quiet-ish corner of Connecticut, except for the Friday night races…and the monster trucks once a year, and the kids down the street who seem to think fireworks are included in the Bill of Rights. But I digress. I haven’t always been a writer, but I have been a lover of words, written, spoken, thoughts; a lifelong love affair. My first attempts at my own words were during the angst-ridden high school days every teen faces. I filled notebooks with poetry, started stories, and in typical youthful fashion, abandoned them. I have a few shorts written, but the novel is the thing, I hope, which will help me move into writing as my “job”.
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Prologue She’d been in the middle of her bench press when Lieutenant Colonel Sibley’s face appeared over her. Stifling a curse, she racked the bar, and jumped up. Her CO grinned at her, as he handed over a sheaf of papers. “Good one, sir, you got me again. What’s this?” She took the papers from him somewhat suspiciously. “SOP for tonight, Leftenant.” He always called her that. And he wasn’t even British, for crying out loud. “Our friend Gilson has become indisposed. He thinks it might have be...
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Version A: Dear Ms. Jackson, Once, humans used mythical creatures and augury to place blame for their various misfortunes. In our modern world, men such as Hitler have found other scapegoats, and offered up these victims to the public, resulting in some of the darkest episodes of recorded history. Is it an inborn weakness, one that humankind alone bears? Kiara Howard is about to find out the answer, in my novel, titled Sleep. She’s had heaps of misfortune placed at her feet, starting with the...
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۞ On Earth this time of year, vacationers swarmed plentiful biological preserves, beaches, and resorts, the only people on the planet who didn’t enjoy the lengthy holiday were high-level politicos, store-owners, and cross-eyed researchers who might as well have been on another world anyway. Those occupying a room somewhere in the bowels of a four-star hotel were concerned with the first group. And that was a small, but powerful, gathering of individuals that Commander Hawke had sent her messa...
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Day by day, we try to float along on the current. Some days we fight it a little bit, attempt to really concert ourselves into an effort to really push, give him a little more. Some days we find ourselves just trying to keep one step ahead of him, of the daily routine, of our irritations. I never really pondered the concept of autism in my life, except for the fact that I have a first cousin diagnosed with it. Charlie will be graduating from high school next year, but with my own child, at th...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
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A man walked down an icy street from the subway stop that had brought him into Queens from the Manhattan hospital he had left an hour or so before. It was nighttime, gas lamps lighting his way back to where he knew he must eventually go. It was not a task he looked forward to, knowing that a houseful of people awaited his return, with news of his young wife. He thought of his last talk with her, before she was taken from him, before the nurses shooed him away from her, and the doctors marched...
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With this type of genre, visited so frequently in recent years, I admit that the writer really has to work hard to find something inventive. Probably why I've avoided the whole thing, I don't think I'm quite that inventive. This is an interesting twist, I think, in that we have a vampiress sired by...Viktor? And he killed her fiance, so rather than be bonded to him, she hates him and wants to destroy him. I'll be interested to see whether this is the driving plot point, or whether you have so...
It shows promise, but I see a few things that should be worked on to make this more readable. One is to really edit your syntax. There is missing punctuation all over, which isn't a big deal at the stage you're at, of workshopping, but to keep honing the piece and your skills, it must happen at some point. For instance, about every piece of dialogue you have that is posed as a question, nobody knows that because there aren't any question marks. I found myself having to really read very hard t...
You are a very polished writer, I will say that. The only thing that I found distracting was all the names, particularly the fact that they aren't derived from anything familiar to me...I found myself stumbling over them a bit and having difficulty in keeping everyone straight. I find that shortening people's names or jsut finding a title to refer to them by after introducing them the first time makes it just a little easier for your reader to keeping progressing into the plot, rather than ha...
I really wish that the website would put the first pieces of people's stories up before forcing us to read the later bits. Now I know that your book has got quite a twist to it. Also, I would not have guessed that your lead character was quite as old as she is...possibly the way to accomplish that is to examine how she talks, but also to have her be unconsciously vain. By that I just mean that she might do things like sneak looks in a mirror, or wonder about her own appearance...the only reas...
This is great. You've really snagged the voice of the teenage girl, without it seeming too overdone. I find myself really intrigued with what might happen later on. The only thing I might wonder is whether this will turn out to be the usual "love" triangle, where the main girl falls for the guy that her best friend is head over heels with...not knowing what direction you are planning to take, we won't know for sure until we read, as with any book. I do certainly read those kinds of books, eve...
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