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ally2kc's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 16
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 16
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Items
Version 2
31 Reviews
0 Comments
It’s bedtime little one I know you don’t agree but it’s just another adventure listen closely and you’ll see We are big fierce lions a daddy and his cub we roll around playfully getting tangled in the shrub I have a thick flowing mane as will you some day but for now you are still growing in your own unique way Your teeth are just like razors as sharp as they can get and as you grow up even more they’ll get even sharper yet I teach you to be big and strong the leader of our pack you crouch do...
Version 1
22 Reviews
0 Comments
It’s bath time little one I know you don’t agree but it’s just another adventure listen closely and you’ll see We are great big elephants a baby and a mum travelling across Africa having loads of fun We cross grassland and deserts, through the jungle too we are looking for some water a creek of sparkling blue Our long swishy trunks swing along as we go I've got long curvy tusks as you will when you grow We find a lovely stream you turn and shout out loud "Race you to the water mum!" when you ...
Version 1
22 Reviews
0 Comments
It is dinner time little one I know you don't agree but let's make it and adventure just you and me We are long, tall giraffes, a mummy and her calf. Scouring the plains of Africa, playing games to make us laugh. I’ve got long lean legs, perfect to balance on. Yours, still young and wobbly, will grow to be as strong. We wear coats of camoflauge, spotted tan and brown. And though our horns are only small, we wear them like a crown. With our long spotted necks, we can reach the tallest trees. S...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Everyone is gone. The silence in her room is louder than ever before. She can hear the dying screams echoing in the dark shadows; hitting each of the four walls like a boomerang lost in space. The ground is littered with other peoples' possessions. Their discarded memories that they have no use for anymore lay scattered; ike she does. She wears them like stale-smelling old hand me down jumpers. The walls are cold and tired of keeping her secrets hidden. The bed she lies on isn't fit for sleep...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
There is something about sharing a cigarette after sex. It is as if by doing so you have no choice but to admit to what you have become. Each time you inhale, you can taste your partner, smell them, feel them and understand them better. Each drag brings on flashes of what the two of you have shared. It means security, comfort, companionship and most importantly, trust. Julie doesn't usually stay for a smoke. She's up and dressed as quickly as possible. The taste, smell and memories are not wh...
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Reviews
There is quite clearly a potentially very interesting story here. Unfortunately, as you say in the last line "...all I really have are glimmers of a time I can never understand." If you can't fully understand it, the reader won't. What would be interesting would be to have a better picture of who these people really were - what they felt, what drove them, how did they love etc. I appreciate you don't know these types of details as fact, however, nothing is stoping you from putting forward you...
Cute! Cute! Cute! I love the gentle mocking in this poem. It is a great "read out loud" poem which will appeal to many young budding readers. My only comment would be that I felt the ending came too soon. I would have liked to see him put up more of a fight. Also the very las line, falls a bit flat. I don't know whaty to suggest, but it doesn't hit you with the sulkiness I would expect him to retreat to his bed with. I really enjoyed this and will be looking at some more of your stuff shortly...
I like the idea of this very much! I can feel the sentiment you are trying to get across well. There are a couple of instances where it seems a word has been used more as a filler than anything else though, although I think that is fairly inevitable when writing in this style. I have only two suggestions: "...delightfully dressed" I'm not entirely sure if 'delightfully' fits in with the idea of halloween. Maybe 'devilishly' "...evoking energy ending evil" This doesn't sit quite right for me, ...
This hooked me in almost instantly. Already, I want to know more - about Ryan, about the narrator, about why they are all there etc. You have a very good grasp of description and setting the scene. For the most part, the flow between dream and reality is flawless where as it can often be a bit choppy. I would be interested to know your target age group. I have only 2 relatively unimportant points: "... child’s scribbled done in reverse..." Should this be scribble? "Sometimes there was one the...
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