alw_ays's profile

Upon first reading the mood is cold, chilly, the moon being barren and cold, the allusion to mountains is also to one of snow. Upon second reading, I noted the word "warm" in the first line. That changed everything. Similarly, the first two readings suggest distance, diversion, escape, but the third reading, in the first line "welcoming". That changed everything, again. How did I forget by the end of the first stanza that the wind was warm and welcoming? To make them stand out more, invert th...

I really love this. It's a haunting and different perspective, and I think you portrayed it well. One thing: Don't rhyme with "gun"...It's too easy, and it's not a very powerful word to end a line with. The word itself is almost amateurish for a suicide piece. (cloths=clothes)

Unable to determine a situation where a lie would be the best honesty, I'll probably mull this one over until the right moment is found. This paradoxical moment has got to exist somewhere... It doesn't do much for a memoir right off the bat, but it does hold some potential, if I could figure it out.

-Sparrows fight for mating/territory: only one man (dad bought ticket?) -The old woman makes no sense: why contemplate what she's thinking if he's ignoring her? (Stands well without stanza 2,otherwise, stronger purpose demonstrated) -Rhyming/non-rhyming stanzas seem arbitrary. -"Jews" seems irrelevant unless the woman is a Jew, but should be named something other than Maria. (connects to the rhyming: the story works well without) -Last line of 6 and first two of 7 are in the woman's mind and ...

The word "words" makes the whole process seem simple... but maybe it's just the revelation, the result of the process that is simpler than the "ideas" and the "stories"...which is where I would go with my interpretation. I like the communion implied by the first two statements, I suppose to make it stronger I'd ask for a verb with "Words" that carries this idea of communion...maybe, "communicated"?