amber86's profile

amber86 avatar
AGE: 23
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 04

Hi all!
I’m a creative writing student living on the beautiful Sunshine Coast in Australia. I’m in the process of writing a novel and would love to improve on my writing skills, so all feedback on my stories is much appreciated!

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Flash Fiction / The Book
Version 1
10 Reviews   10 Comments
The book sat on the top shelf. It leant flat against the back wall, so the cover was clearly displayed. Apart from a sheet of dust that lay across it, the book was in good condition. The title read: Little Boy Blue and Other Nursery Rhymes. It was placed on the shelf a year ago. Wendy stood in the silent room. A tray of tea and biscuits rested on the table beside her. She stared at the clock mounted on the wall. The hands moved toward 5pm. She waited awkwardly, her face turned away...
Ratings & Rankings
Flash Fiction / Carnival in the Mist
Version 1
12 Reviews   11 Comments
Marcello awoke before the sun rose on the day of Santo Stefano, 26th December 1789. He sat up straight on his sleeping matt, his body fizzing with anticipation of the day to come. He could feel the city stirring, its great masses breathing with repressed excitement as the long awaited celebrations drew close. He was a servant of a great house on the beautiful Venetian Grand Canal. The nobles he served treated him as any servant would expect to be treated: with quiet disdain. But not today. ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / The Fight
Version 1
5 Reviews   6 Comments
His eyes are menacing. I can see his focus narrowed on my face, his pupil’s dark, his lids squeezed to slits. He is deadly. His body is crouched and his muscles taut. He is circling, low and slow. So slow. I crouch low myself, inhaling the dust, feeling the stone and dirt beneath my feet. They are all gathered around, engulfing us. I can hear them chanting, feel them pushing past each other for a better view. The air feels thick and I can smell sweat. I am breathing fast and hard. My e...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Brilliant Disguise
Version 1
5 Reviews   9 Comments
A brown couch and a glass of whisky. The light from the window animates the dust particles in the stale air. The room is quiet and lifeless except for you, a bent figure, slumped forward on the couch, defiantly thinking of nothing at all and staring at the floorboards. The ice cubes clink. An irritation creeps over your skin as you look at your watch; there is still half an hour before you can get away with leaving for work, although you’ll still be early. Thirty minutes alone with your...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / Reluctant Hands
I really enjoyed this. I thought the imagery you created was beautiful and the tone of the piece came through really strong. Loved this part: He shook while he talked, stuttered while he prayed, coughed while drinking gin, blinked while he kissed, and died before he understood. Don't think you need the comma after kissed though. Very beautiful, thanks for sharing!
This feels like it could shape up to be a really exciting read. There is a little bit of mystery you have established at the beginning that is a nice little hook. I was intrigued! One of the biggest problems I see is the whole heap of information you give the reader about Alana all at once. I realise this is creative non-fiction but that doesn't neccasarily mean you have to give everything away. Let some of the information about the character come out through her actions (show don't tell), it...
Hi Sandi, this is one of those rare pieces where thoughts and descriptions fall out left right and centre and yet somehow work in perfect harmony. I think it's my favourite of you works. I was enthralled from the first line; You completely capture your audience. The descriptions are packed with metaphor and yet it comes accross effortlessly, and with deceptive simplicity. It really is good, I see why you get just a great response from it! Just an idea, let me know what you think: The enigma t...
Limericks / Sad... - limerick
This made me giggle. It's very cute. And you were very talented to write this at 12! I felt sorry for poor pins... If you felt like adding anything to it, another word in the second line might help the beat, but this is just my opinion. Very nice:)
Poetry / Vodka Return
This is very confronting and honest. Wonderfully and bravely written. I won't comment on structure because I know nothing about it lol. You really did set the mood and use some great phrasing. It makes me want to cry. If you wanted to experiment it could work well in prose too. Great job.
Favorites
ITEMS (13)

 

Poetry / Eye Shine
Short Story / Aqua Seafoam
Short Story / Thursday
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Wick - chp. 1

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