ITEMS (2)
ames_plaza's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Fredericksburg, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 30
LOC: Fredericksburg, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 30
if you can’t handle criticism, buy a diary, lock it up, and shut the fuck up.
<3 ames plaza
Items
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Sitting on the floor in my room smoking a cigarette, I watched Caroline stir underneath my bed sheets. Jessie was sleeping soundly in the recliner in my living room and the couch was still covered in vomit. I had passed out for a while on the floor but I had begun to hear her whimper a little and woke myself up. I didn’t need my bed covered in puke too. Caroline woke up groaning, gagging, and groggy from all of her late night escapades. “How did I get here?” she asked, daze...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
I'm a writer, what's your excuse?
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Eat words not food- anorexic writer.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
I WILL quit my day job.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Between heaving and gasping for air, Caroline tried desperately to be sweet and nostalgic. “Remember that song you wrote for me?” She had to stop halfway through this sentence to spill more of her stomach’s contents onto my deck. I didn’t answer her question, smoking another cigarette, coolly. “You don’t remember, Harry?” Jessie took another cigarette from my practically empty pack but I was too disgusted at the corpse-like whore in front of me to care. “It was called time something… time… I ...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
First of all i love the line about the world being a peacock tail. That's a really great image. However, I have a really big problem with the rhyme scheme. A lot of the time your rhyming seems very forced and, therefore, makes the poem incredibly difficult to read though because the rhyme scheme is distracting. I would try to stray away from the rhyme scheme, or if you really felt the need to rhyme, try more of an internal rhyme or a less common rhyme scheme. Concentrate instead, on the speci...
I really like the message of this poem, but it's getting pounded down my throat a little. i would definitely consider taking out the last two lines. I got it. No need to re-emphasize. I also feel as if the rhyme scheme is a little forced at times, you want your rhymes to flow. I would suggest looking up poems with similar rhyme schemes in order to give you more of an idea. Rhyming poetry is extremely difficult but can be done really well. A good rhyming poem is one that you can't really tell ...
This poem really hit me over the head with what you were trying to say. I got that you're angry, but I didn't feel angry. I want to feel angry at the end of this too. My biggest advice would be to SHOW NOT TELL. I cannot state enough just how much this will help you reach your objective correlative. By using images and sensory details, you will be able to create a piece that leaves a lasting impression on the reader. I would also suggest using more punctuation because there wasn't any that I ...
this poem is telly. very telly. you need to show what you're trying to say, not tell. show why peopleshould accept christ. decribe a person. describe a person disobeying christ. show the bowels of hell. show the cavernous wasteland. i want to see this forsaking. show it. once you begin to show this, you'll begin to evoke emotions from your reader. stray away from telliness. use imagery. there is no poetry without imagery.
i really liked the first two stanzas, but after those two, the poem sort of drifted off and i wasn't really sure where it was going. you can write an effective poem about being too distracted by your mind to sleep but right now, it's not really working. the part with the spider seemed rather thrown in. i believe it could work in another poem, just not this one, i would just be very careful with the image of a spider becuase it's an image that is commonly used and can easily slip into cliche. ...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
