ammahaffey's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Auburn, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 11
LOC: Auburn, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 11
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Renee was at work. “Work,” she mused, was a relative term—in this setting. As the lone bid administrator for the government’s commercial kitchen equipment replacement parts needs, her desk was covered with labeled manila folders, spreadsheets of manufacturers’ pricing information and meticulous and poorly copied specs. Her email inbox still bulged with a growing number of inquisitions, and yet, she had done nothing more but glance through her files, shuffle them from one dangerously leaning ...
Version 1
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My dad. I only think I seen him once, but last winter, I seen his brother on the news. The red-nose lady, who huddled over the mike like it was a campfire, told us that no one really knew why my uncle was brawling, but around 3 in the morning, when only the baddest people are out, he got stabbed outside of Wag’s Bar. The television we were watching was half-broke and the blue strip that shot through the bottom-half of the screen, reading Brutal Stabbing on East Broadway, looked more like a ba...
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First of all, your talent at writing is obvious. You are not a fledgling storyteller, grappling with words as if they were an enemy that must be defeated. However, I'm very sorry to admit, but I find the theme to this story very overdone. I cannot tell you how many times I have read a dragon story or book. Frankly, I'm tired of the idea in the same way that I have outgrown vampires. I just don't believe this is original enough and what are we, as writers, if we can't invoke a little originali...
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As a personal note, this is a feeling that every single "grown-up," with even an ounce of imagination, either lost or kept close, struggles with. As my six-year-old put it, "Why can't everyone be more like children?" Could an adult have been more eloquent? Of course not. Scientifically speaking, we only use a fraction of our brain power. Could this be avoided if we nurtured our imaginations, instead of our careers and responsibilities? I believe so. Based on my response, I think you know that...
Part One, Question 1: Yes, he, she, it, etc. are repetitive, but unless we are embracing and creating a new language, they are necessary. The point of good writing, I believe, has less to do with our vocabulary and more to do with flow and the ability to make the reader "see" the scene just as the writer intends. Part One, Question 2: No, I do not see this as a repetitive paragraph. Like I stated earlier, our goal is not to initiate new and exciting words for ever scene. In fact, I find that ...
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