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amy234's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Jim Thorpe, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 11
LOC: Jim Thorpe, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 11
I’m not a writer. Other than a degree in english/proffesional writing, I have no qualifations to lable myself one. I do have the need and spark to write. It’s in my blood. All constructive critism is welcome!
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Sometimes, life hands us lemons. But, how do we make lemonaide when there is no sugar to make it with? I just wanted to try to be a "normal" human being for once in my life, or at least for the past few years. I just wanted to go a few days without having to depend on some outside source or person to make me feel like one. But, to my disapointment, and to others, it didn't work. So, how can I go on with this painful life if I cannot care for myself as a soon to be 25 year-old woman? I assume ...
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“Hey baby, you ready to go?” My boyfriend, John, had come to pick me up and, for a few moments, I didn’t recognize him. He was clean shaven, wore a dress shirt, and for the first time in two years, wore a pair of pants that weren’t black and torn. They were a nice, clean, khaki color, with cargo pockets. “Hey,” I whispered, kissing his cheek. “Yea, I’m ready. Let’s go.” Friday night was date night for us. We would pick a random restaurant, or catch an occasional movie somewhere. John was the ...
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Chris and I met at a coffee house one fall day in late September. I was ordering a chai latte when he approached me. “They make the best chai in town here,” he whispered. Startled, I looked up at him. “Yeah, I know,” I said with a sheepish grin. He was beautiful. Soft, curly, brown hair fell gently over his hard, chiseled face. He wore a torn, tie-dyed shirt that looked as if it hadn’t been washed in years and he stood with unreserved confidence. I was wildly attracted to him. Before I knew i...
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“Yea, I know. I know what I did was wrong and all,” Pattie said, shaking. “But, you gotta understand officer. My son is the most important thing in the world to me. He’s all I got.” Pattie and Detective Allan sat across from one another in the small dimly lit room of the Seneca police station. Allan had been trying to rationalize with her for hours but Pattie didn’t quite seem to understand what was going to be happening to her after they were finished talking. Her son would be sent to social...
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Beautiful! It reminds me of when my oldestest sister turned thirty. She was upset but manged to move on. Besides, this is the begining of your life...not the end. Although I am only 24, I can understnd because I will soon be 25 and feel that I have yet to accomplish ANYTHING!! Still, these are all learning experiances!
I like the concept, however; I feel that the language used in this piece is a bit mature coming from a nine year old storyteller. If you want to keep the protagonist as a nine year old child, I would possibly "dumb" down the language a bit...or make the character an adult looking back on thier childhood. Also, you have numerous punctuation mistakes....semi-colons are only there to connect two relating sentences. You have many situations where you are connecting sentences that either don't rel...
Wonderful imagary. There are a few mechanical things, however. "The blue dress swirls open and closed like a fast blooming flower" Should be...HER blue dress. "Her slim body catches on an outcropping, her descent suddenly ceased" you should have a semi colon between these two not a comma. Cheers!
I think the reason being is that this poem tells a story. I can see it when I read the lines, however, I don't know what half the words mean...is it french?
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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