ana has no favorites yet.
ana's profile
AGE:
42
LOC: Honolulu, HI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 01
LOC: Honolulu, HI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 01
I love to write and have written 1 book. I live in Hawaii, and besides writing, I love to swim and spend time with my husband and 2 kids. I think this review system is awesome! Sometimes we get too close to our work to see it objectively and it’s always nice to get feedback, postive or negative…
Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
CHAPTER TWO The Invasion Hulking, black snake-creatures slithered purposefully down the hill. Strangely disconnected from the unbelievable scene, ManØ stared helplessly. His mouth was agape, and his tongue stuck obstinately to the roof of his mouth. Nauseous sweat oozed from him as he watched the snake-men creep toward the unsuspecting boys. They must be some kind of shape-changing gods, yet he had never heard of any that looked like them! Usually, gods could be birds, fish, even pigs—but sea...
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
CHAPTER SIX The Journey “How are we going to see without the light?” ManØ asked. “I don’t need the light, it was only for your sake,” Enki answered shortly. “Oh,” he muttered dejectedly. “Your eyes will grow accustomed to the darkness soon enough,” Enki explained. “I’ll guide you from atop your shoulder. Just…” Enki broke off when a series of high-pitched squeals reverberated in the cave. ManØ recognized the hiss-like squeals of the boars. ManØ broke into a panicked jog and he felt a pinch on...
Version 1
16 Reviews
6 Comments
PROLOGUE The island of Kaua‘i was under siege. Burly winds ravaged the coconut shoreline; but it was not the real enemy, merely a transporter. Beneath the wet saltiness lurked a sinister warning, a scent of decay that drenched the island like a poisonous fog. Miles away, colossal ships churned through the inky waters. Shadowy passengers kept frantic time with the angry waves, and steaming odors rose as their powerful shoulders arched and biceps bulged. Silent chants echoed from mind to mind, ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I loved this! It was very unexpected. You should definitely make this a novel. You've already got the irony part down, the redneck enslaved by an immigrant and woman. Funny! Each of your separate "parts" have a lot of room for expansion with which to make a novel. For instance, in the first chapter you could give us a bigger snapshot of what an asshole Patrick is, and also there is room to develop who the woman and immigrant are in their normal lives, building on the separateness of the bonda...
You've got a unique voice that is quite humorous and refreshingly honest. I like the edginess of your dialogue and your descriptions, "Painful little demons danced in my head and taunted me for being such an idiot. I tried to sleep a little more even though the carpet and sofa cushion I was sleeping on smelt like old whiskey and what I can only imagine to be mind scarring sex but Jeff carried on cursing himself." Your characters too are curious in that I am wondering what they will do next. I...
Great title and beginning phrase. They are very provocative. Your writing is very edgy and raw. At the onset, you begin with very fresh descriptions of "nowhereland" which evokes a specific feeling of greyness. The sadness and the sense of life gone awry are palpable through your vivid descriptions. Timmy Davenport's sadness and mistrust are also projected quite well. From the moment you describe the setting, you successfully set the tone of bleakness that continues throughout, from his distr...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People








