analise's profile

analise avatar
AGE: 24
LOC: Millersville, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 04

24 year old female living in Maryland. When I’m not working or sleeping or eating (all very important things!), I’m quite likely writing something. I’ve tried posting my things to various writing communities on livejournal, but I never seem to get the feedback I want (need!) so when a coworker pointed this site out to me, I thought I would give it a try. That’s about all there is to it. :)

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Items
Short Story / All She Imagines
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
She'd figured out the ritual ages ago. Or, at least, she was fairly certain she had. The only way to find out was by actually trying it and she didn't dare do that while she didn't have the house to herself. Unfortunately, her parents almost never went out anywhere and when they did, they tried to only do it when they wouldn't be leaving their only daughter alone. Typical, over-protective parental units. Finally, though, she'd convinced them that, at sixteen, she was more than old enough to s...
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Short Story / Extremism
Version 2
10 Reviews   0 Comments
"I am not an extremist," he declared for the world to hear. His companion, an almost too-young girl trying to make herself look too-old with her piercings and hair dye and leather and ink tittered into her hands. Well, she likely would have murdered anyone -- imagined murdering them, at least -- who claimed she had tittered because of course she'd done something more dignified. Like snorting. Made an amused sound. Something like that. She followed up the not-tittering with rolling her eyes an...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Extremism
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
"I am not an extremist," he declared for the world to hear. His companion, an almost too-young girl trying to make herself look too-old with her piercings and hair dye and leather and ink tittered into her hands. Well, she likely would have murdered anyone -- imagined murdering them, at least -- who claimed she had tittered because of course she'd done something more dignified. Like snorting. Made an amused sound. Something like that. She followed up the not-tittering with rolling her eyes an...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Fool's Gambit - Chapter One
Version 2
3 Reviews   0 Comments
CHAPTER ONE: In which our story begins and we meet our lovely heroine The festival was a riot of sensation. Around them swirled sounds from a dozen directions: the tinkling notes of a musician playing the harpsichord, laughter from a gaggle of teenaged girls, the shrieks of small children running about, cheers from the joust field, the cries of food purveyors vending their wares, the periodic clang of the bell on the strong man game, and hundreds of little dramas being played out in a thousan...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Fool's Gambit - Chapter One
Version 1
2 Reviews   1 Comment
CHAPTER ONE: In which our story begins and we meet our lovely heroine The festival was a riot of sensation. Around them swirled sounds from a dozen directions: the tinkling notes of a musician playing the harpsichord, laughter from a gaggle of teenaged girls, the shrieks of small children running about, cheers from the joust field, the cries of food purveyors vending their wares, the periodic clang of the bell on the strong man game, and hundreds of little dramas being played out in a thousan...
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Reviews
Hah, your reaction in the poem to the invitation was about my reaction to the title, "why on earth would anyone bring a yak?" and was, of course, what prompted me to click on this poem. Some part of me doesn't care for the suggestion of eating horse (extra crispy or otherwise) but the poem is humorous and whimsical enough that I don't mind overmuch. I liked this and I think I'm going to have to link a few friends over to read it. :)
Short Story / Bike
Well, I certainly found myself sniffling. I certainly know what you mean about watching those you care about aging in front of your eyes (though it hasn't hit my parents quite yet) and the problem of Alzheimer's as well so this definitely hit home with me. Whatever happened to the bike?
First off, you describe Regan in two places as being orange-haired and in another as green-haired. Unless she has magically color changing hair (possible with a fairy!) you might want to decide which you wish her to have. :) I'm not sure how to do it, but it would be nice to have a smoother transition out of Regan's flashback and into the present. Also you use stranger quite a lot in the very first paragraph and it gets kind of redundant, it would probably make things sound better if you didn...
One thing that would make this more readable is if you started a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking. I had a hard time sifting through who was saying what whenever you had dialogue. It would probably also help if instead of saying things like, "I did a spin roll", you actually described what the action looked like which would be easier for me (and/or the average reader) to picture than having to sit there and think, "Okay, what does a spin roll look like?". As I've heard reiter...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Chapters
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