analise's profile

analise avatar
AGE: 26
LOC: Highland, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 09

25 year old female living in Maryland. When I’m not working or sleeping or eating (all very important things!), I’m quite likely writing something. I’ve tried posting my things to various writing communities on livejournal, but I never seem to get the feedback I want (need!) so when a coworker pointed this site out to me, I thought I would give it a try. That’s about all there is to it. :)

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Was, Is, and Ever Shall Be
Version 1
3 Reviews   2 Comments
The ship is crowded, crammed tight with people shoulder to shoulder and elbow to elbow. They haven't been all pressed in together long enough for too much body heat and too much body scent to become an issue. They only left atmo mere minutes ago, the sensed rather than felt shuddering of the ship against air suddenly ceasing and as that happens it seems the entire collection of humanity pressed together inside the hold lets out one collective breath. They made it out. Now they just have to ge...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Short Story / All She Imagines
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
She'd figured out the ritual ages ago. Or, at least, she was fairly certain she had. The only way to find out was by actually trying it and she didn't dare do that while she didn't have the house to herself. Unfortunately, her parents almost never went out anywhere and when they did, they tried to only do it when they wouldn't be leaving their only daughter alone. Typical, over-protective parental units. Finally, though, she'd convinced them that, at sixteen, she was more than old enough to s...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Extremism
Version 2
11 Reviews   7 Comments
"I am not an extremist," he declared for the world to hear. His companion, an almost too-young girl trying to make herself look too-old with her piercings and hair dye and leather and ink tittered into her hands. Well, she likely would have murdered anyone -- imagined murdering them, at least -- who claimed she had tittered because of course she'd done something more dignified. Like snorting. Made an amused sound. Something like that. She followed up the not-tittering with rolling her eyes an...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Extremism
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
"I am not an extremist," he declared for the world to hear. His companion, an almost too-young girl trying to make herself look too-old with her piercings and hair dye and leather and ink tittered into her hands. Well, she likely would have murdered anyone -- imagined murdering them, at least -- who claimed she had tittered because of course she'd done something more dignified. Like snorting. Made an amused sound. Something like that. She followed up the not-tittering with rolling her eyes an...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / A Pair of Jeans
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Picture a little dock on a calm, quiet lake surrounded by trees and birdsong. On the dock are two people sitting in lawn chairs. One of them is an older man, his hair thinned to gray whisps and his face and body marked by time and age and life. Beside him, in the other lawn chair, sits a little girl, probably about ten or eleven. She's got long blonde hair and sky blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses through which she watches the world around her. They're both holding fishing poles, thei...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / "To See the Light"
No grammar/spelling critique from me (yay!). There's an intriguing story in here somewhere, I think, but I'm not sure I'm understanding it well enough to find it. I guess a big part of it is the part where the main character just sits down and talks to the homeless guy about...everything. Maybe this is a limitation of doing it in first person because I feel like "I" wouldn't do something remotely like that yet here "I" am doing it. So to speak. It's possible your story would work better in th...
Romance / Dreamer
I think this needs a lot of work. There are quite a few grammatical and spelling errors and this really doesn't do a good job of telling a romance story. Or even a good porn story, to be honest. It definitely needs more details and, well, foreplay. Tell us what you ate and how the daiquiris tasted. Tell us how you feel about your ex. Please tell us your ex's niece was at least legal (though even so, incest is kinda icky. So it'd be nice to have you address that as well even if it's to imply t...
Short Story / combo platter
I'm not sure why you posted so many stories all in one post here. Ideally, they should each have been done separately. The thing I liked best about each story was the sensation of foreboding, of something not quite right. Somehow, you manage to put in the "creepy musical foreshadowing" without actually, you know, having a soundtrack. I did notice a few typos you'll want to go back and correct (clinch used instead of clench, for instance). In "Last Night", I wasn't sure entirely if the two cha...
Poetry / Deeper
Interesting way to talk poetically (as it were) about a certain carnal subject. You say waistland at one point. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a pun (if it is, it doesn't really work very well) or if you meant wasteland. Red juice lava and hot earth gravy are really...out there too. I think my favorite part is "Wild animals howl from somewhere in the distance. Hot crusts of sea salt cling to my sunburned brow. "
It's cute and totally a familiar sentiment for any cat lover but there are a few places where the rhythm gets "off". sweater is on the bed. I'd cut out the "is". And on the next line, I think I'd just say "Looks like it would..." And on "We'd better hit" it sounds a little better to do "We had better" instead. On "So let’s go see if", I'd take out the "So." It's just an extra syllable that makes things feel a bit clunky. Overall, it makes for a cool story that anybody (kid or otherwise) coul...