andersda's profile
AGE:
53
LOC: West Sacramento, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: West Sacramento, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 21
I’m a new author struggling to break free from the chains of wishful thinking and into the reality of the published page. So far, no luck, but I am finishing one novel “The Song of Lazarus”, which I hope to have done by Christmas. There is a second book in the works – “The Call – An intimate Portrait of Transplant” which is a memior of my experience as a heart transplant recipient. You can see more on my page “Dave – The Real Tin Man” at www.myspace.com/andersda
Items
Version 2
10 Reviews
0 Comments
Looking for and finding love where all I find is you Beginning with and ending with the time I spent with you. I softly sift the memories torn between old longings and the hope for something new. I find that time is soothing, On the shores where I reside Where memories are like the sand And are taken by the tide.
Version 1
8 Reviews
6 Comments
On the very first night of the season’s very first horseshow, after making me wait for it for over a year, Claire finally got around to having sex with me. According to her, it was the consummation of a long, loving, and remarkably beautiful relationship, but, during the entire time, no matter what kind of spin she put on it, I still felt like one of those dumb-assed park dogs with a biscuit balanced on its nose. I could just hear her say…Wait for it…Wait for it…Good boy. That bitch. During t...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Prologue: Chicago, this city with its broad shoulders, seethes within me. I am dipped in the ink of it, but instead of leaching into me from the outside, it radiates out from deep within. Inside me, like a fetus, it is the return “ping” on my cosmic sonar which locks me into place and defines me. With its poor western and south-side neighborhoods, it is both the rhythm and melody to this the most American of tunes. It, with its pushy pot-bellied old men who in an instant of bad temper rail ag...
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Reviews
Very, very, very well done. "I sucked in my tummy at the thought" Nice "I laughed, again too loud," vs. I laughed again, too loud, "again(,) and I pushed "My friends have always told me that" This bit is distracting because you don't do anything with it. "like a cat in sunshine" Nice. "I didn’t want to stop it" vs. stop him" "deeper into me" or inside me "My breath fleeted me" what?
This rightfully belongs in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy category, but works in that genre are still novel treatments, and this one is a pretty decent one. Besides, I'd rather read works of that type than any other. With a look at my library, you'd accept my qualifications with no reservations. You've done a nice job. You have interesting characters - including the hawk - and, so far, I didn't see anything that doesn't advance the plot or that detracts from it. Overall, very nicely done. There are gramm...
When I read your note, I though 'Oh crap, another author too lazy to get it together before they post, but there was something entirely refreshing about this piece. Trust me, I was in a bad mood when I sat down to review this and thought, 'Well I can always back out if I get too nasty.' But it's charming. I don't know where you're ultimately going with this - the exotic dancer and udercover agent are tremendous prospects, but just what I've read has a wonderful voice, good charaters (but, see...
This is great fun. There are a few little things I noticed on the read-through. All the best. Dave "Hmph!” Lucifer expelled. Conventional dialog format would have this start a new sentence. "keep your brother and me in check" wouldn;t his brother also be Baal's brother? "the tethers fabricating from their palms" don;t you mean extending? "You need to preserve yourself" thisis repetitive and can be deleted. As moronic as this sounds, I question your use of goblins in the story. It could just b...
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