andra's profile

I really liked this poem - it was original, insightful and flowed well. There are two suggestions which come to mind - firstly to break it into stanzas, not necessarily of equal length, to make it easier to follow and to focus on, and to bring attention to it's natural pauses and points of emphasis. Secondly, I came across several words which just jarred with me and I felt could be changed or cut without affecting the meaning, but definitely improving the rhythm and flow. For example: "Your a...

The fact you have chosen a criteria relating to publication means I will view it in that light. There's nothing wrong with simply writing for your own benefit or for catharsis, but as something for others to read I'm afraid this doesn't really work for me. Why the capitals? I suggest you use them sparingly for emphasis, and focus on your words to get your emotions across. Also, try not to rhyme for the sake of it. "Indeed"/"Need" works well, but "Me"/"Unconditionally" just feels forced, proba...

This is a clear, and universal piece which is nevertheless deeper than it looks at first. This is definitely performance poetry, perhaps even bordering on a song lyric (or perhaps something to read to a percussion backing) with a clear but not particularly repetitive rhythm. I really liked the recurring imagery of the tree used in so many different ways, and though such an image is often used the way it was phrased meant it is not a cliche. However the second to last stanza didn't sit so well...

I haven't read your last blog, but this is succinct and clearly expressed (there are a few spelling and grammar issues, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about those!) Have you thought that a different forum, not aimed at critiquing or reviewing might be more appropriate?

This is clearly very deeply felt and though I didn't entirely understand the content I felt the emotions very clearly. I am curious as why you decided to express this as poetry as you seem to be instinctively leaning towards prose. Perhaps try rewriting it, remembering that prose can still be poetic, symbolic and doesn't need a defined plot or story. There are a couple of small grammar issues - some missing spaces after punctuation and 'I' is not always capitalised.