ITEMS (3)
anonymitysucks's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Cleveland, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 21
LOC: Cleveland, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 21
AIM = persuasion628
myspace.com/slurpygonemad
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i am a freshman student currently attending notre dame college. i’m double majoring in english and psychology.
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[for those who choose to leave reviews without any specific criticism, THAT’S OKAY – i appreciate your kind remarks and so i refuse to “return credits”. some people are too uptight on urbis – i choose not to join that crowd]
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also, please do not leave remarks about my capitalization. i’m well aware of the fact that i don’t properly capitalize letters…don’t worry, my written text respects the “big” letter rules.
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oh, one more thing – if you INSIST on owning me in the sport of dictionary or in the battle of wits…take it somewhere else. i can hardly handle my own …
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Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
i am aroused by this process that lacks beauty and revision awakened by you: twisted at an arm’s length away knowledgably accepting security within your distance with cement lips you’ve kissed curiosity; undermining the bastion you’ve flawlessly crafted- had you known i’d break those bricks, would you have had me again? we’re entangled within each other’s residence: enveloped in foreign insecurities yet complacent with the other’s presence. neither ready to fill each other’s soul, yet wonting...
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Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
damn girl you oughta ride this train more often. you look homesick, permissively granting random fucks to ride the last track across your hips; we all bore your nameless face about our lips basking in one flourescent sun. grand something whatever avenue was coming up but i stayed to permeate page 8A looking more than not at your welcoming state damn girl, what's your rate? you should ride this train more often.
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
deliberate condescending observations, criticisms left at my doorstep bridled with judgment and riddled with disappointments. they're left there, reminding me no room in this house is to be decorated without credit, not lacking her royalties. i can hear her creeping at night, giggling and clumsy as though she wishes to unravel herself to me. i used to pray for her, fixed between my doorway shedding myself for her insecurities and i would watch her slither... determined to find where she slipp...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
she can only yield to such an oblivious state of contentedness. unfamiliar waters break toes that know no comfort, while fervid words never rest [not recognizing welcoming ears] she denounced her faith in unfaithfulness. praise is sallow with adulterated sickliness. leave me be she said muddled by an unexpected warmth smothered by two smoldering arms cooled with willing surrender. embraced, she lay dormant with liveliness breathing to a rapid solace that sounded something like freedom.
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
as if i was rekindled by these variations of colors and pods! bringing sleep to those whose eyes reflected grandiose shapes, when love has struck and rendered armies: let me pass our seeds to those too beautiful for me. kiss me sweet Bagoas, they'll march in synchrony as i keep you at my side. let hate and war reflect no one; salute with pedals in your eyes!
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line 7) frailties that accompany or frailty that accompanies [assuming it's the frailty alone accompanying every move - not including skin and bones] the repetition of resemblance in 3 lines either emphasizes or borders the line of redundancy, depending on the reader :) also... line 12 - and with it[,] terrorized it. line 14 - tense rather jumbled [what did she do to you but commit the...(rather than "committed")] some punctuation would improve the flow and clarity. okay, we're past the nitty...
your boyfriend writes well. i'm getting several different messages as i reread this...which i like and don't. i can't really critique your boyfriend's work though. "superfluous blue security light" - wondering how superfluous is applied.
i love what you've done here: captured so many different parallels of a concept so large. there are a myriad of venues you could have explored with this: but you sate the idea within a few lines. line 6 interrupted the read with "to devalue to worthlessness". have you considered rewording this? brilliantly written.
the stratford strut remedies head bruises, i heard. i enjoy this. it's amusing... the capitalization at the beginning of each sentence rattles my brain though. i find comfort in perceived aesthetics, i suppose :) seriously, fun poem. ps - enjoy my lack of suggested improvements. no flaws, no foul.
i kind of want to eat the first 2 lines. i know that makes me sound like a crazy but i love the flow. you remind me of a writer (oh, i'm sorry - did you want constructive criticism? i have none - feel free to return this for your credits) who ended up teaching me a myriad of things about writing. if i were regular (lack of fiber), i wouldn't be going through such a dry-spell right now...and this would probably inspire me to write. impotent attempt at this stage of my writing life. anyyyyway, ...
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