What caught my attention initially was "nonplussing" (few 16 yr-olds have even dreamt of the word) so kudos to you for the varied and interesting use of vocabulary. In the third stanza you use "pray" and "prey" in the same way, so I'm not sure if that was an attempt at a pun or merely a misspelling, but from how it reads it should be "prey" both times. Also, the imagery/ideas seemed a little scattered and vague; one had the basic impression of what you were trying to say, but it was hard to n...

There is a good story in there, with some decent ideas, but it's way too rushed! You fly over ideas that you should flesh out and use to set the mood of the story. It was like reading the synopsis, not the story itself, and without substance, it's hard to tell your story apart from anyone else's with the same subject. There was no dialogue, no interaction between characters other than what you described occured between them, and you jumped around to different situations without adequate trans...

Wow. You have a voice and rhythm that screams for this to be read aloud, and your pace is a hectic ride from the pits of drugged oblivion to the crystalline heights of paradise... but your lofty skies are those that shatter... Genuine, raw, gut talent, and you are unafraid to plumb dark depths. I absolutely love it. At times, your grammer and sentence placement can be confusing, but even that lends itself to how you express yourself, and taking that into account, I can't complain. I hope to r...

You have definite talent, but I do think you need to refine this a bit, and consider adding enough punctuation so the reader can follow the flow of your ideas. I don't think rhyming is necessary with this poem, but you could develp your ideas more fully, rather than flinging out a few interesting descriptions. You have the seeds of some powerful imagery, so explore that, and that will help your poem become more cohesive. Good job. :)

This is a very emotional poem, and it sounds like it was inspired by something in real life for you. That's good because you can take strong emotion and use it to really drive your piece and make the reader feel it - use strong imagery, vocabulary or descriptions that illustrate your experience, rather than just talking about it. On a grammatical note, it's written as free verse, but when you break the ideas/sentences into stanzas of various lengths, it's hard to read. Also, you capitalise th...

It's listed as poetry, but it reads more as prose or a short story, so it's a bit confusing. There are some parts that really shine, like paragraph 4, sentence 2. There were a couple parts that were repetitive, like sentence 1 in the same paragraph, ("They were not calloused or bloodied. They were not calloused and bloodied because...). You could combine that into one sentence. Watch out for the same thing with vocab, look for different ways to say the same thing to spice up your expressions....

Not bad, and you had a good message: to treat our mothers as well as they've treated us. I wish more people would remember that. As far as grammar and presentation go, I think this poem needs a lot of work before it's publishable. Your word choice could be a bit more diverse: for example, you use "ailments" twice. Also watch your punctuation, and avoid vague statements like, "... our imagination can come up with a lot of things." Some well-placed metaphors would definitely help. The repetitiv...

I loved it! It had rhythm, it was fun to read, and I had to read it out loud just to enjoy the sounds of the words. Not only that, but it is so true for someone learning to speak another language. The only thing I can say for constructive criticism is that it doesn't seem long enough, rather like you didn't finish. This could be because you didn't use punctuation for the most part, but it throws the reader off when you suddenly use an exclamation point. :) All in all, I love it, keep writing,...

I really enjoyed this poem. It hit home for me because I tend to be a pack-rat, collecting little things in my pockets throughout the day without really needing them, but never thinking about why. This is an interesting exploration of that, especially with the question that begins the poem. The only thing that puzzled me was the very last line: "Detach myself from the sublime". I don't understand what you are referring to here when you speak of the sublime. It just throws me off a bit because...