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AGE:
23
LOC: Bay City, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
LOC: Bay City, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 29
hey everyone. well, my name is Ashley. I’m 22 years old and I live in a small town in Texas. the only thing I’ve ever been told I’m good at is writing. and the sad thing is I can’t even do anything with my so-called talent at the moment. I’m stuck in a dead-end town doing the same dead-end things that I do every dead-end day. and the only sweet release I have are the few moments a day I get to write.
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I'm killing myself slowly I'm letting it all go but there must be something to stop this disease surely because my head is swimming in confusion and I'm losing control of everything I've ever known dying would be such a sweet release from everything I'm feeling inside. take it all away. please don't let me wake another day.
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want to die slowly heartbreak will do it you'll wither away piece by piece until you're all used up without a life of your own this heartbreak will consume you it will start with your mind it will think and think and think it will ask unanswered questions it will replay every memory, every moment, every touch it will overanalyze and talk about it way too much but soon the heartbreak will move on and your mind will be completely gone then the sickness will move onto your unsuspecting heart it ...
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the truth hurts or so some say but my truth is different my truth is the definition of pain my truth is lies and betrayal my truth is doubt my truth is that I hate myself and so does everyone else no one really cares especially you you're here with me now but by tomorrow you could be through the lonliness is taking over as I sit here and think maybe I'm destined to be alone maybe that is my fate but someone whose heart is so lonely should never be alone it just isn't right but you are impossi...
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my path so intricately chosen now a path of self destruction pierce my heart I need to bleed I'm standing still as the world moves on please time slow down take me with you I want to run away with you and leave this pain behind take me with you the pleading stops and I look around time took my body but forgot my heart stuck in the past I'm left with a hole in my chest drugs, sex, and lies pick your vice to fill it up and momentarily kill the pain who can take me back to the beginning to choos...
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I liked the poem. it has a lot of feeling in it. it's short, but to the point and I like that. one thing I would suggest maybe is that I notice at the beginning of the poem you have the first word capitalized and the poem reads kind of like a long sentence, so maybe just put a period at the end of the poem. to make it final.
I think that this story does have potential. there are just a few problems with it. you say that it is going to be in a collection, so that might help. but one problem I see is a point. why are you telling us about the bridge? what is it about the bridge that is supposed to make the reader want to know about it? the ending could use some work as well. who is Spoon? what are we supposed to feel about these characters in your story? I think it would be good to give a little more character devel...
I really liked this poem. it means a lot to me. I know exactly how this persona feels. I'm in that exact position myself. I love the format. it makes me feel back and forth. like one minute the persona feels okay and right with the world and confident in her love, but the next the persona is confused and unsure about how she feels. I love this stanza: "Her mind is always somewhere else, in the clouds, in fading memories, when through the crowds you were all she could see." it is so true. so r...
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