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asterexvan's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Pengilly, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 11
LOC: Pengilly, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 11
I am a 17 year old senior, soon to be 18. I am completing my second year of college at a local community college, and am transfering to a private religious college for youth ministry.
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Slumbering earth, When will you awake? Slumbering earth, Why do you hold your breath? Slumbering earth, Why can I not join you on this endless quest. The winter, does not speak, nor does it sing as summer does. The winter, waits in anticipation, the earth holds its breath. Waiting for what? I do not know. So again I turn around and ask: Slumbering earth, When will you awake?
Version 1
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I will Not be that girl the one who is impatient the one who takes your heart and holds tightly to hers not be that one that promises you the world but can't deliver in the moment not be that girl the one you forget or the one who forgets you i will not be that girl that hurts you that relishes in your pain i will be that girl that never forgets you that makes promises she can keep that gives her all and expects nothing in return the one that takes your pain and hurt and gives her completenes...
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The snow creeps in, wind caresses my skin I remember all these things again, and time will tell when springtime blooms and all these things seem to me so new. One thing remains, till my dieing day, and that is my love for you.
Version 1
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trying to escape to turn away from that which I no longer wish to face and inside an emptiness overtakes the soul within begins to shake and tears are falling now as voices resound within this shallowness again
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let everything be equal let all things be fair and as the moonlight shines again darkness fills the air all the children all around face death and darkened doom The butterflies flutter down landing on the moistened ground. Children playin in the blood running down the city streets let everything be equal let all things be fair and as the moonlight shines again darkness fills the air
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I'm really interested to see where this one goes. The writing is by the book grammar wise, I think, at least it makes sense to me. It does sound very intriguing, this world you've created and I look forward to seeing what you do with it.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I really like the imagery. The fact that such a simple chore can be described in so many adjectives. I help a friend haul wood in for her stove in the winter, and these adjectives really do fit. I really like the line "as wood and winter bit through thick cotton" It always seems that no matter how many layers you end up with a splinter and frozen fingers.
This speaks to me of that part of us that breaks off and hides when we are hurt. However the symbolism could lend itself to many different meanings. I'm not entirely sure how you could make it clearer what you mean.
The idea that the younger you are the less legitimate your art is is a commonly held idea. I really liked this take on it.
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