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athousandfaces's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 22
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 22
after living in tokyo for the past four years, i recently returned home. i like vonnegut, bukowski, douglas coupland, ayn rand and some other stuff. when i’m not writing, i like to play the guitar.
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
1 Comment
In the isolation room I am no more than a speck on the wall. As they drain and clean and filter my blood through their machinery I sip on my Christmas whiskey and nibble on a quarter of a pork pie. "What is the point of living", I think to myself, "if all of your time is wasted on trying to stay alive?". I have been isolated from the other patients so as not to infect them with the dirty germs that I may have brought back as souvenirs from my travels. As most of the other patients seem to be...
Version 2
17 Reviews
8 Comments
The Night We All Fucked Each Other Lesson 1: Never take a boner out of the house with you. For nothing good can come of it: Perhaps you'll get strange glares, or even requests for sexual liaisons, from the jaundiced-looking shop assistants who sell you your groceries at the local supermarket. Their solitary, vegetable-selling, lives slowly becoming too much for them, and their pale hands with the stench of cheap and eccentric masturbation fondling your peas and carrots at the checkout line li...
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Reviews
Nice story. I particularly like the way that you make use of language to describe things, 'Perishing winds' had a nice ring to it, as did a lot of other moments. The story itself is very original and it's good that you retained a level of Englishness. The ending is nice as well, maintaining a cool degree of irony. Thanks for a good read.
This is much better than the other chapter that I read of this. I like how you use relevant quotes and facts, which back up your argument quite admirably. I think if you wrote the whole book in a style similar to this it would be much more successful. It's more cohesive and makes a lot of sense in places.
I think your arguments are interesting but the flowery, pseudo-poetic prose that you have made use of detracts from the overall effect of the piece. I know you're trying to be creative because this is an essay about creativity, but I feel you would get your point across much clearer if you resorted to rhethoric over those stop-and-start fragments, profoundatron meanderings and romanticism.
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