auddddddd's profile

auddddddd avatar
AGE: 19
LOC: Ambler, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 01

I am a senior in highschool, aiming to major in creative writing come college time.

When I’m not writing, I enjoy a good piano fiddling and burning up the dance floor.

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Items
Poetry / North Star
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Last night, when the wind whipped like straw upon a slave's back, the moon was off-center & the North Star shone in the south. The sun, hollowed by the moon's misdirection, did not know when to rise, so I stayed in bed all day sheet-sick with the ferment of promises that yesterday delivered. The dusk perched early that day, while the sun assessed its newfound vacancy, & I assessed the dulling, weighted, tumbling, ache beneath my lungs.
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Poetry / Peach Curtains
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
crashing wooden doors with peach curtains clank upon the ripe peel of my laughter blue and ready to burst with innocence like the boy whose breath stopped short - in the hours of the night when Death is playing cards and praying for one of a kind he was buried beneath the crumbles of earth - fresh like the life that couldn't be saved and the tears that couldn't be stopped wet the dirt as the clank of church bells skinned my ears - until a bloody mass left only the small bones to listen for th...
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Poetry / Many Seasons
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
I know that if I were To dance across the wet grass My movements would light up your face As if the energy created were connected To coiled wires in your mouth. Slowing to a graceful step I would kneel Beneath the bend of your back To collect The petals that drip like rich wine From the stem of your spine I think you’re a perennial, Destined to bloom more than once. You and I will have many seasons.
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Poetry / Oceanic Remorse
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
your breath reeks of love i had a notion she would make you drunk can I dare to be your sober beacon the lighthouse brought every sailor to her shores betrayal never clouded her light from the men dancing upon waves your tears are full of salt maybe your oceanic remorse is sincere (please) the warmth of my cheek will dry the sting
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Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
I feel the most lonely in a crowded room. The gas station attendant sits on a crate, Gives me a silent nod and my change. Does he wake to the sun and nothing else? A cantaloupe falls to the floor and lies In a puddle of brain fluid. No, wait. That was the head of a martyr. He too stood alone. And when Billie Holiday is your only friend You don’t need the girl reading Robert Frost in The corner. She can’t sing the blues. The gas station attendant returns to his crate. There isn’t room for two....
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Reviews
Poetry / Guilty
I really love this poem. Although I have learned to become wary of rhyme and the words that its structure forces, this works. I don't have a problem with the second to last line. Just the last line. It seems too abrupt with the punctuation, and I believe you could do much better. Just let it sit for awhile, and it will come to you. My favorite line is "Break my finger, let it dangle, Use the bone to stir your tea." Ah, great imagery! --Aud
Poetry / Mantis Jars
I really enjoyed this, though I'm not quite sure if I understood it. I believe that you were trying to relay the thought that this girl's love was deadly, for a mantis eats the head of her lover. I hope I got that right! The form really works with this, though I think you have a bit too many commas. Your structure works to break up the lines, so therefore a whole lot of punctuation is really not necessary. --Aud
Poetry / The Potter
This is a short but very powerful piece. It's simple words lead you to believe its a light-hearted piece until you reach the last line. My only problem is the format. I think this piece would be better represented as prose poetry. Therefore the lines should be longer, more in sentence form. Along with less line breaks, I think the message would come across more powerfully. --Aud
Poetry / Domination
I like this idea, and the format of the poem, especially the italicized dialogue. That is really effective. Yet, the message that you are trying to relay is left unknown to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the ambiguity of this...I just think it's a bit TOO ambiguous. Also, I feel that the simile, "But she fought like a cat attacked by a rat," could be improved with more imagery. That comparison just seems a bit too cliche. --Aud
Poetry / Metanoia
I really like this, and I think I got your intended meaning from it. However you are addressing as "you" doesn't make the poet feel appreciated or that their existence is of any matter. Yet, they find love in a baby bird, as as the last three lines sum it up,"It matters not what they say or you say, it matters only that the bird sings." My only two suggestions are possibly playing with line breaks. Perhaps breaking the poem apart where the mood changes or where the author comes to some kind o...
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