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avedis's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: Malaysia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 30
LOC: Malaysia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 30
I was born, had a few careers, now I write.
I will always work at it, but the day writing becomes work, I will quit.
Isn’t it better to get paid for what you love doing?
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Version 3
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Dear Susanna, I am writing in response to the Urbis opportunity involving your company. I have completed the final edit of my second novel, “Afterlife”, which I would like you to consider. A brief outline; “Afterlife” is a completed 80,220 word adult novel. What happens after we die? Not a question about heaven and hell, what happens here on Earth, to those that knew us or were somehow touched by our presence? What happens after our life ends? When Chris Pendergast dies in a car accident, the...
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Version 2
4 Reviews
3 Comments
Dear Susanna, I am writing in response to the Urbis opportunity involving your company. I have completed the final edit of my second novel, “Afterlife”, which I would like you to consider. A brief outline; “Afterlife” is a completed 80,220 word adult novel. What happens after we die? Not a question about heaven and hell, what happens here on Earth, to those that knew us or were somehow touched by our presence? What happens after our life ends? When Chris Pendergast dies in a car accident, the...
Opportunities
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Dear Susanna, I am writing in response to the Urbis opportunity involving your company. I have completed the final edit of my second novel, “Afterlife”, which I would like you to consider. A brief outline; “Afterlife” is a completed 80,220 word adult novel. What happens after we die? Not a question about heaven and hell, what happens here on Earth, to those that knew us or were somehow touched by our presence? What happens after our life ends? When Chris Pendergast dies in a car accident, the...
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Opportunities
Version 1
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Loving living, capturing some of it
Opportunities
Version 1
5 Reviews
3 Comments
I was just eight, it was a stupid thing to do, but I was just eight. It had been a long walk back to the house, four years to the day from when we had moved to our new home. I stood in the road and looked at the house over the low front garden wall. The new owner must have had an interest in gardening, there were flower beds, roses, even a small manicured lawn. The old flaking paint on the window frames and doors had been scraped off and replaced with shiny black gloss. There was little reall...
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I did review this once before, an earlier version. It came back to me as I read. The story, the detail, and the sentiments I like. I have some problems with the presentation. Some of your phrasing is probably deliberate style, but does not work for me. You make your reader work hard, in some parts that is good, in others it is disruptive. You also like to leave out links and some of the details that would make for easier reading. I'll suggest changes, ignore them of course if you wish. My use...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I really liked this and, having cast my mothers ashes in a Southern England park, can identify with a lot of it. So, I'm going to be very picky - as you can afford to be with something you like. First, the kick off sentence. Yes, the echo at the end works well - but I'd prefer it to be a bit more meaty and "living". Something more like "Yes, my family are fucked up alright". "I drove down..stand it." Not clear, stand the drive or stand the sun in your eyes? Reword this, and give emphasis to t...
I never know how to review such items as this - the temptation is to discuss the ideas and not the writing style. This is even harder, because the style works for me overall. You have listed the "life templates" so many subscribe to, I'd like your personal statement - more obviously, as opposed to choosing to infer it. While still avoiding the risk of being "lecturing". And I'd like something a bit more - which approach do you feel works best for you - on or off the medication, and why? Now I...
Short sharp sentences work best when dealing with action, they are not so useful for scene setting. So the start was not that "grabbing" for me. e.g Instead of "The coach..shoulder.", try expanding this - smoke from the tyres, stones flying, rear end swinging to and fro, etc. This sudden stopping of the coach is not followed through by the almost casual nature of what then follows - in fact, it is never really explained. You run a bit scared of fleshinbg out your writing, which gives it almos...
Yes, works for me. Not the most original approach to humor, but nicely tied in to the storyline. However, wit works best when surrounded by absolute precission with words. (Like Monti Python film effects out doing more serious equivalents). "Armored feet..ran" Initially confusing, "Sir Richard's armored feet pounded the ground as he ran" puts us right in the correct scene. "dragon’s hot breath on his back" You've already had it "shot past his head", why restrict it now. "dragon’s hot breath b...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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