great poem nothing to rework

sacrifice pantomime and this unbarable pain infested - i don't like that line and i wonder if you mean unbearable pain good poem i never made any money from poetry :( i admire you if you can do that

loved it -esp last line - can be reworked and made even more tight

needs reworking so sound is sustained throughout powerful thoughts but can be refined

needs more clarity and editing

good poem and i don't think i want to try and change anything in it.... self-destruction could be hyphenated pierce my heart starts a new stanza so i would leave a line of empty space before it

There are quite a few lines that transit too abruptly into something else and i am unable to see the connection if not for that it's a good poem