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baby_shoes's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Naples, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 18
LOC: Naples, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 18
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Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Peter opened his eyes to see a vast empty space of dark green. Something like shadows flew all around him as if large birds were flying over his head, but he did not think to look. While wondering where he was he began to feel his chest hurt, as if his rib cage was trying to constrict everything inside of him. He put his hand on his chest to try to massage or relax it; feeling the fabric of the shirt in his palm and the buttons between his fingers. It was cold. The innocent child did not know...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
I was on my way to Cats Island, somewhere in the Bahamas. There was a new Holiday Inn opening up, and I had been asked to write the brochure. It was simple; I could finish it in no time, but I had planned to extend my all expense paid trip for as long as I could. The plane wasn’t too bad, although my expectations weren’t very high. Nevertheless, if I could have chosen the passengers I would have. This giant metal dragon was full of grotesque apes. For Gods sake! Don’t they scan people for hyg...
Version 1
6 Reviews
1 Comment
Peter opened his eyes and saw nothing. He could see, but there was nothing there, just different shades of a color that he didnt know. He began to feel his chest hurt, hurt badly. He grasped his chest in his hand, feeling the fabric of the shirt in his palm and the buttons between his fingers. He didnt know where he was, and he realized he wasnt even on solid ground when a womans body began falling in front of him and past his feet where the ground should have been. The body moved slow and so...
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well, im sure you know about all the spelling and grammer mistakes already so i wont even bother. you have to explain things better. your writing the story like, this happened, and then this happene4d and then this happened. dont try to push the reader through the story, try to explain it like you are actually there and your writing down as it happened. read a lot more books to get the feel of how people write. the dialogue isnt too bad. but when one person(or robot)talkes, you have to say wh...
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