badwriter's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Albany, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 22
LOC: Albany, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 22
Items
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets; his head bend against the driving rain. People rush around him, try to get out of this summer shower. “Pathetic” he though, watching theses people run about their lives. Power, money, politics, it controlled them all as it did himself. He shifted his backpack into a more comfortable position. He stopped before the cross walk and looked up. A person stood rigid in the middle of the street, caught like a deer in the headlights of oncoming traffic. “N...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
1944, Europe, American Medical camp. Charles smiled to himself. She set with his sisters and mother. He hadn’t seen them since he’d left to go find work at the age of 13. They were just the way he remembered: each wearing their favorite dress with matching hat. They all sat around the table, as they had before their father left. Someone was call out his name. He looked around for the source but all he saw was smiling faces. The voice sounded far away and distant. “Just leave me alone” he told...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets; his head bend against the driving rain. People rush around him, try to get out of this summer shower. “Pathetic” he though, watching theses people run about their lives. Power, money, politics, it controlled them all as it did himself. He shifted his backpack into a more comfortable position. He got to the cross walk and looked up. A person stood rigid in the middle of the street, caught like a deer in the headlights of oncoming traffic. “No!” He s...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Mark emerged from the DQ with two medium blizzards and handed one to Ashley. It was a warm night and these where just the thing needed. He watched Ashley as she took a bite and smiled at him, he hand once again remembered her favorite kind. Mostly Mark listened as Ashley talked. It was nice to be out on another date with her, he thought. They had been dating for some years now, Mark reflected. They had grown up together, in the town of Retro, Oregon, from first meeting in kindergarten; they h...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Greg tried several times in vane to dislodge his foot. Finally he slipped his rifle behind a branch and grabbed the other side. With a mighty heave he pulled himself free of the gripping mud, boot and all. He leaned against and tree, snacking on a power bar from his pack. “He could do this” he told himself, “time to become a man”. He cast his rapper aside and continued on through the marsh. A grin spread across his face as he spotted a target. Silently he went into action. He sank to one knee...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
its good but over all your adverbs are a little soft. got to put power behind your words. make it vivid and loud. this could be good first sentance, nice but seens a little off, if she feet where slashed by the rocks, then the pinneadles would be matting to her feet, just a reality check horror is made up of short sentences. that keeps the excitement pumping. fragments are ok but have to work. try out with sentence 4 she needed to keep running from her pursuer. try chopping it up she needed t...
wow, you'r fantastic. you use this woman as the start of all evil. you go into great detail in order to discribe her children. you'r able to tie several things together at once and that blows me away. you take something that is so ordanary and put it together in a wicked twist. this is way better then her openning some old box. i was so captivated i didn't have time to check for mustakes.i wanted to know what happened that i couldn't stop
weird and cool. his mother be damned, i loved that part, gave me chuckles now is he going to go feast on blood or sometihng? is that his italian meal or the food he ate? nice saw one minor mustake Mediterranean NEVER hit
your first 4 lines are very good. i really love that part. feild, spawn, sow, below, they almost have a ring to them. but from there they start to go down hill like you sort of lost it after that. overall its good although everyone has their own taste's. for what you where after, i think you did a good job, you got the immage across. you use the wind to convay your sister's anger. very nice
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People





