badwriter's profile

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AGE: 19
LOC: Albany, OR
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 17
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / raven croft ch.1 vr.2
Version 3
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Ch. 1 I laid on the roof, hands behind my head. The noise and light pollution rose up from down below (or the noise and light polluted to silence): tourists with their never ending chatter, the occasional car sounds of alarms, horns, acceleration, last second braking. Then there were the casinos and all their bells and whistles. No matter what time it was, the sounds would always be there. The city never sleeps. I pushed it all to the background and let the night sky absorb me. It was a breat...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / raven croft ch.1 vr.2
Version 2
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I laid on the roof, hands behind my head. The noise and light pollution rose up from down below tourists with their never ending chatter, the occasional car sounds of alarms, horns, acceleration, last second braking. Then there were the casinos and all their bells and whistles. No matter what time it was, the sounds would always be there. The city never sleeps. I pushed it all to the background and let the night sky absorb me. It was a breathtaking view: The sky was a cloudless night. The sta...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / raven croft ch.1
Version 1
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I laid on the roof, hands behind my head. The noise and light pollution rose up from down below: tourist with their never ending chatter, the occasional car sounds: a blend of alarms, horns and driving. Then there were the casinos and all their bells and whistles. No matter that time it was, the sounds would always be there. The city never sleeps. I pushed it all to the background and let the night sky absorb me. It was a breathtaking view: The sky was a cloudless night. The stars shown brill...
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Version 1
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He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets; his head bend against the driving rain. People rush around him, try to get out of this summer shower. “Pathetic” he though, watching theses people run about their lives. Power, money, politics, it controlled them all as it did himself. He shifted his backpack into a more comfortable position. He stopped before the cross walk and looked up. A person stood rigid in the middle of the street, caught like a deer in the headlights of oncoming traffic. “N...
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Non-fiction / The fire
Version 2
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1944, Europe, American Medical camp. Charles smiled to himself. She set with his sisters and mother. He hadn’t seen them since he’d left to go find work at the age of 13. They were just the way he remembered: each wearing their favorite dress with matching hat. They all sat around the table, as they had before their father left. Someone was call out his name. He looked around for the source but all he saw was smiling faces. The voice sounded far away and distant. “Just leave me alone” he told...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Hunter (pt 2)
Removed
hmm, somewhat pridictable. this story is fearly striaghtforwards. I dont think there is much to keep the reader interested. have them get seperated or something Lauriana, very pridictable about how she desides to stay. how about she goes back to her world but the two are linked and the fight comes to her home. ow, even better, the master is trying to save the world from a greater evil thets trying to destroy the planet. but he is evil himself so he found a way to destroy the greater evil and ...
Removed
Flash Fiction / A Faceless Horror
its good but over all your adverbs are a little soft. got to put power behind your words. make it vivid and loud. this could be good first sentance, nice but seens a little off, if she feet where slashed by the rocks, then the pinneadles would be matting to her feet, just a reality check horror is made up of short sentences. that keeps the excitement pumping. fragments are ok but have to work. try out with sentence 4 she needed to keep running from her pursuer. try chopping it up she needed t...
Horror / The Satan Bug !
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Horror / Conflict in the Night

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