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baldwithglasses's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: Blountsville, AL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: Blountsville, AL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
I’m unemployed right now, and so I’m catching up on my meditations and on my writing. I’m adding stuff because I think that writing is a two-way street: it’s meaningless unless the words are read. I depend on others’ efforts to complete this process for me; and yet, I have a fiduciary responsibility to make sure I show utmost respect to my readers by giving them something that will be worth their time.
I hope to meet other folks to share their joy in this journey of emotion we call writing.
You may check out MySpace if you’d like. Thank you so much for reading, and bring on the reviews!
Influences: Rumi/ Coleman Barks, Dan Simmons, Ryokan, James Herriott, Keats, S…
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The Last Time She was the little girl Running in the morning sunlight after his smell Bursting through the door To see his car gone for the last time She was the teenager Who loved the sound of her father''s music Who loved his laugh, Who went to the hospital to see him for the last time She was the young lady Who went fishing with her hero Who watched her Superman Fade away in illness, She too ashamed of his weakness To speak to him that last time. She was the little girl Who barely knew her...
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Version 2
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No Title I can't wait to see you again- Just once wasn't enough- Nor the thousand dreams or chance meetings or even- Or even the quiet kisses Nor quiet kisses in the night Nor the dances Nor the visits in my dreams- Nor the quiet walks Nor the quiet talks- no, those aren't enough either.
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Version 2
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It's always been about you. It's always going to be about you. It is always about you. These words are nothing. Saying them means that same amount of nothing. Only in God's heart rings The Truth. It has always been about you. Even when I didn't know your name. And the only gift I have to offer you Is this- this very same nothing. In that space between heartbeats vibrates a space, That's the nothing I give you- Nothing less will do. * * * next poem * * * He She and I We went to Pinky's Passed ...
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Version 2
6 Reviews
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She - standing right there Her hat dancing with small stars - She's the metaphor.
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Version 2
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I forgave you there In dream-time continuum Knowing - feeling - all.
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Love the poem, but maybe the title could be reworked. Great insights, though.
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It's a good start for a novel, but could use a little tightening. There's a lot of passive voice (using "is" Was", et cetera) that can become so much more engaging with strong verbs. My strongest recommendation remains what I must do for myself: review the style manual. Edit for less words, more impact.
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