ballyden's profile

What you have here is a skit. A funny skit, to be sure, but still...a skit. This is something out of vaudeville. Funny in it's time, but it does not a play make. As an exercise in a playwriting class, it's okay, but it's just an early step in learning your craft. You show a certain flair for comedy which is wonderful. Comedy is not easy. When you start to write true stage plays, remember the following: WHO? (Develop your character; WHEN? Simply the time set-up. WHERE? Where does the action of...

If you desire to write drama for the stage, I suggest you learn the format for a play. What you have written here seem to be the very bare bones of a potential screenplay. I have no problem with Thompson showing up in the Kid's room. It works. (I assume this takes place after his death) But you jump very quickly from scene to scene, a very cinematic technique. Give yourself time to develop your characters through dialogue. Theatre is an illusion, not reality, so no jumping from the news desk ...

Based on what I have read, my first suggestion is to eliminate the NARRATOR. His introduction is literate and poetic, but totally undramatic. It serves no purpose other than substituting a character's words for a Writer's descriptive narration. There is no need to describe the girls pain and physical appearance. That's what we have actors for, and audiences to see and observe. And if you follow through with the NARRATOR, you will inevitably fall into the abyss of exposition! That said, the op...

Writing a solo piece is quite a challenge. You must have dramatic movements and subtext in order to draw the audience in and to hold their attention. Visualization is an integral part of a one person play. Your utilization of Laban Movements are very effective in portraying the physicality of an emotion. Your dialogue is poetic and gripping. There is no difficulty in seeing your character as the "good guy" and the Japanese as the "bad guys". When reading (or seeing) a play, I always want to ...

Since your concept of your subject matter is presented more as a performance piece rather than a conventional stage play, my first comment is that you must follow through on the concept. Dali popping out of an egg is a wonderful idea. Now I realize that what you have published here is far from a complete play, I can only discuss what I read. You seem to drop the "Performance Piece" concept and fall into the stage play. I can only hope that you will integrate more visual and audio activities ...