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barnes's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: North Wales, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 23
LOC: North Wales, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 23
I’m a 17 year old self-proclaimed loser. I love the internet, and I do web development, freelance. I run a few blogs: http://www.thelowtech.com/ http://www.greenresearchlabs.com/ http://www.horrorlabs.com/
I’m just begining to write for fun, but I am loving it. I hope to write some worth while stuff that the people here at Urbis will love.
Items
Version 2
2 Reviews
1 Comment
"Monotony is cruel Andrew. You know this?" "Squa?" replied the mechanical bird. The gears spinning around its fragile little jaw as it retracts back to being close. The bird made of hundreds of tiny cogs, and springs. Something was always turning on the mechanical beast, making it appear even more alive then its brilliant design had already implied. "...you wouldn't understand Andrew, your an emotionless beast. I built you, from these piles of broken watches. I build you to keep me company an...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
9 Comments
"Monotony is cruel Andrew. You know this?" "Squa?" replied the mechanical bird. The gears spinning around its fragile little jaw as it retracts back to being close. "...you wouldn't understand Andrew, your an emotionless beast. I built you, from these piles of broken watches. I build you to keep me company and here I am, talking to my mechanical bird." Randolph laid back in his chair. The loneliness of his laboratory that stood high on flimsy little stilts in the marsh began to set in. The y...
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Reviews
I like it, very chilling. You did a good job of keeping the reader thinking about what was happening, "airless" would be the perfect way of describing it. I really like this, and would love to read more, keep up the good work!
Ah, I loved it! Any of those memory stories will always get me. Very well written, I could imagine the whole scene in my head, perfect. The way it was written allowed for room to let the reader to fill in the gaps with their own descriptions, which will usually become the street they grew up on, which will make any reader feel connected with the story. Keep up the good work, this is great!
I feel like I should have started from the start, picking up from here was a bit confusing. Interesting environment you set up. I had trouble grasping just how these angels appeared, or lived. My personal concept of angels clashed with yours I believe...but again, starting from the beginning would have helped over come this. Other then that, the dialog seems a bit confusing. The names are tossed around quickly and it becomes confusing with whom is talking to whom. I suggest writing longer sec...
Great rhythm scheme, and great theme. Keep up the good work, and maybe try something a little bit brighter as well!
I loved it. I'm literally obsessed with wind considering my addiction with kite sports, so this one really got me. Any poem about late nights in the mountains with wind will always strike a chord with me. Keep up the great work!
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