9, This definitely makes me want to read more. I know you requested no spelling and grammar critiques and I assume that means you plan to proof or have it proofed later. You might want to proof then post, though. Those mistakes make it harder to read and enjoy the work. One suggestion, add the word 'theoretically' in front of 'secure intranet'. Even if its only a red herring it might help plant a seed of doubt in the reader's mind every time he logs in. Also, be careful not to make the girlfr...

This is good. It reads a little bit slow to me, but I can't pinpoint why (could be my hangover), I'll look at this chapter again later and message any thoughts. Here are the comments, I have on first reading. "not as a man looks a woman up and down, but as a coach might look over a new recruit." Absolutely brilliant peice of writing!! "The driver looked to be no more than a kid. He wore a baseball cap and nicely kept vintage clothing" Reading this I thought somebody was still in the vehicle. ...

7 - What the heck is a refund nazi? My first impression of the narrator is not favorable. He seems to be unnecessarily critical of others. (His nurse is too old, the doctor is too young; as if the hospital owes it to him not only to treat his illness, but should also hire a staff that exactly fits his view of how it should be). As soon as I started trying to forgive him since after all, he is in a hospital, he starts fantasizing about committing a gruesome murder. If the plan for this protago...

8 Nicely structured. When I first read this I rated it a 6; I read it again and the pattern and development really struck me on the second read. You should ask everyone to read this twice in your instructions. I was especially impressed with the 'You call for me; you call for me; I answer you' transition. I wonder if the same type transition could be used in the chorus.."don't let me down/drown, don't take me down, I won't go down...' Just suggestions, its fine as it is also. The one line I h...

6. This is an intersting essay. I have trouble with it as poetry, however. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but if it doesn't; it shouln't. By ending lines with persistence, assistance and resistence you create the impression that you are writing a rhyming work. But then the only two words that rhyme are grace and embrace, and they're so far apart that appears to be unintentional. Regarding the message; you list and define the six points; passion, purpose, persistence, knowledge, faith and the h...

This chapter did achieve the goal of peaking my curiosity. I would definitely stick with this book through at least 2 more chapters to see if it could hook me completely. Having said this, however, this chapter was a bit tedious to get through before the action happened at the end. I don't know if the tedium came from too much background information being thrown out or from the alliteration of the family's names. Margaret, Matthew, Marsha and Marshall. Yikes! All those M sounds in my head whi...

Interesting mind over matter kind of solution to conquering fear. I don't know how accurate the format is on the page that I am reading, but it is a little hard to follow along the way it is laid out. The way I am reading it now the entire article appears to be 3 long paragraphs. It would be easier to read if it were actually broken down into steps to follow. Or break it down by the self-questions followed by the examples. This section for example: To begin with: ask yourself what triggered y...

Awesome. The emotional attachment to the riding and the friends made riding simply explode off the page. I've never been on a bike, but every word just immediately and perfectly related to a twenty year passion I had for my sport. I'm sure that anybody reading this will relate it immediate to whatever their passion once was. One thing I would suggest (and it may not work given the machismo associated with bikers) would be to progress the "something my eyes" from be certain their not tears, to...

A little vulgar for my taste, but I love the line "shoulders thrown like punches" I also liked the irony of using the word 'angel' in the title when the poem clearly is not about somebody being an 'angel'. At least, not an 'angel' in the eyes of the narrator. The men in her life might well see her as angel, at least for the night.

This is an interesting essay; flawed in several ways, but interesting. I love how you threw in the I have homosexual friends disclaimer. You do realize how irrelevant that is, I hope. I won't nitpick every false statement in this response, Instead, I'll simply cherry pick a few of the more obviously false ones. "Homosexual marriage is wrong, for a deception layers the eyes of all; those who oppose it (heterosexuals) and those who welcome it (homosexuals)." The absurd argument that all heteros...