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beccapikle's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Darien, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: Darien, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
I am Rebecca. I am a transcendentalist, I am an objectivist, I am a liberal, I am a vegetarian. I am learning that it’s okay to be all of these things at the same time. And I am learning to be proud of the people that I am. I like being in love, and also wearing hats. I appreciate it when people read my poetry, but I am learning not to care whether they like it or not. My favourite books are Walden and The Fountainhead. I hate no people, I love many people. I am learning to care about the people I dislike. I am not learning what the meaning of life is, but I am learning that it’s okay not to know some things. Quite frequently I laugh so I hard I fall down. I am learning that it’s worth it.
I hope that you are having a good day.
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It's late but I'm not going to sleep the streetlights outshine the moon they illuminate the fog on the street as the cars with tires turn snow into smoke. and the cold, lonely wind whispers love songs to the trees singing bend into me bend into me bend into me Our tears leave their stains on our pillows and sheets As I droop into bad caricature of one of the girls that I used to to be that I used to be. and the cold, lonely wind whispers love songs to the trees singing bend into me bend into ...
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9 Reviews
4 Comments
My father was- what you might call a middle-aged man. I think this means that he has a lot of wrinkles, which are really just places to put worries. He has a lot of these- what you might call worries. I can tell this by the way they get stuck in the wrinkles until they pull down his face because they are so heavy and he looks as if he is covered in dust. I had a history teacher once when I was in the fifth grade. Her name was Miss Mullen. She was very nice and every time a kid looked at her, ...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
The weather's getting cooler now that you have gone away and now the sun is setting as it bathes the world in grey. The road unfurls itself beneath your wheels as the wind sweeps the plains behind you. And I pelt the world with silly pleas to keep my lover safe. Minnesota, keep my lover safe. Don't you worry at all about me, I've got plenty of Mac and Cheese, and I'm listening to silly love songs on dusty old CDs. But I hope you know they're all for you cause they're all for you cause I live ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
When I see your body I see love and life, in all its perfect, perfect splendor- Your heartbeat, the rise and fall of your chest; it is the warmth and light and love in you that I cling to when times are cold and bleak. Yet how the candle sputters in the wind, meekly until it is but a tuft of smoke, a memory of light and heat and flame. And though the brush of your lips is sweet, I know that it, and you, are fleeting. Oh, my love! Let us keep open our eyes, with the sight of each other in our ...
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
The first man I ever loved was never beautiful but he littered my room with half-read books of philosophy whose pages I bent in the corners of graphite-filled margins. He slathered my boots in mud, matted my jackets with burrs, and braided change into my thoughts. And He took me by the hand and showed me how to learn and grow and live and know that there are, and were, and can still be, perhaps people in this beautiful, wretched world who are not afraid to understand. He died when I was negat...
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I think in a lot of ways due to its personal nature this falls into the category of 'things other people can't really judge'. Even so, I think you've done a couple interesting things here. The epigrammatic turn at the end is rather humorous, and the archaic usage of thou, etc, is certainly unique. A couple caveats, however: I'd suggest breaking the poem up into more than one stanza, and also that you make sure you've used the archaic verb forms correctly (for example I'm not sure "artist knew...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
While the structure of a poem comes secondary in importance to its content, I think that here in order for the message of your piece to be adequately conveyed you need to alter its formatting. By cramming all the lines together into a paragraph you've reduced it from a piece of poetry into choppy and disjointed prose, losing any sense of rhyme scheme or really of rhythm. You have some good lines here, I like the last sentence in particular, it just needs some strategically placed line breaks....
Overall, I think you've done a good job with this. It's lighthearted and funny and very entertaining and I could imagine it having a jaunty sort of rhythm to it that would be fun to listen to. However there were a few lines are kind of awkward. For example, line three, "nice good hum." Saying its both nice and good is kind of redundant. Plus, you already used the word good to describe the sex and it's a little uncreative. The line about bubblegum is a good one, so obviously you have to have s...
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