belicktu09's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Baltimore, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: Baltimore, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
I’ve been writing since i was eight years old, so its been twelve years. I know i have the thoughts its just the issue of getting them to sound perfect to me. I don’t think i’ve ever written anything that I’ve fallen in love with until recently. I guess I’ve finally found my muse. As they say a writer is his/her own worst critic. I happen to agree I guess I’ll learn to appreciate it more eventually, at least i hope so.
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Version 1
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Raindrops falling all around us Wetting everything in sight You walk outside and twirl in circles Oh how beautiful you look tonight You're not dressed in the latest fashion Your hair and make-up are not done But the joy in your heart is radiating And I think that you outshine the sun
Version 1
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Its 2 am and I'm waiting up for you Im not so sure what Im supposed to do I hear the car pull up and I hear the door And before I know my feet hit the floor I walk up to you unsure of what will come You stink of perfume and cheap rum I ask you where you've been and with who You tell me it was work again and Jimmy Lou I grab my pillow and sleep on the couch You tell me that I need to stop being a grouch I'm doing laundry and what do I find Lipstick marks on your ...
Version 1
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how is it that we have a lifeless love when we live and breathe with passion how is it that i see your face and im not thrown into action has our love faded into nothingness have we grown apart so quick i care for you more than you know but your indifference is making me sick
Version 1
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tears stroll down my cheek like a rapid river my heart pounds like a knock at the door my pain deepens as my thoughts simmer but ill be fine of this im sure memories haunt me like a ghost in the attic sleep evades me and time stands still jealousy strikes me and causes static but ill be fine of this im sure life without you is so chaotic fears that i have lost the one ive been so idiotic im not fine of this im sure
Version 1
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0 Comments
my heart is no longer mine its leapt out of my chest my mind is no longer clear it truely needs to rest i think of you night and day but i think of her as well and since the first major lie things have gone to hell i cant let you in ive been hurt to much but i cant let you go because i crave your touch you say that you will wait and everything will be fine but i know its not true because love fades over time and then it turns out you feel for our dear friend and i stand broken all a...
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Reviews
Overall it is pretty good there are some issues with its flow. I suggest to take out the 'To' in the second line and just leave it as, "The path goes far and opens wide, Where it leads to no one knows." And the only other thing I suggest would be to even up your lines in the second verse. So where you shortened up morn I think it sounds better if you substitute morning in. Other than that well written.
This was very well written. I'm not sure if I can find anything that I would change about it. You definitely kept your rhyme scheme, grammar and punctuation seem fine. And it flows rather nicely so great job.
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