black_butterfly's profile

I think my favorite part of this is that it leaves a lot to the imagination. We come in in the middle of the action which is always exciting. I could understand the plot and could see clearly that you were creating rising tension that will hopefully continue to develop in the next part of the book. I know that you are not looking for grammar, but the tense changes in the beginning of the passage are distracting.I would also try to avoid cliches. Overall though I think you have something solid...

This was pretty depressing. But since it's supposed to be that way I applaude you. The only true criticism I can give is that if you make the number of syllables from phrase to phrase too different, then it breaks the flow when you are trying to read. Other than that it was very good.

I assume you've had some musical training. :) As a fellow musician I appreciate your use of actual musical terms. I liked your poem very much. the only criticism I can give is in your presentation. I don;t think the word echoes should follow the same pattern as the words 'fades to silence'. I think it would make it that much more dramatic.