I'm assuming that this is going to be an epic poem when you finish and I must say that as far as epic poems go, this is extremely interesting. Theere really isn't much for me to comment on, except that fact that God, unless it's referring to the Christian diety, is usually lower case. I can't wait to review more. Keep writing!

When writing such a short poem, spelling is a must. That's really the only true criticsm I can give.I appreciate it's briefness and that you avoided the typical cliches of describing the Earth as a teeming ball of life or some such nonsense. I am looking forward to reviewing more.

I'm all for abstraction in poetry, but this was a little too unclear to me. To me, poetry is just a series of mini lessons for life. I'm not quite sure what the lesson is for this one. I think that as a poem, this could use a little editing. I would love to review it again once you've taken a good, hard look at it. You've got talent, it's just a little unpolished right now. I'd love to review more of your work!

Wow. What a horrible childhood. This was really a nice piece, though at some points I wanted to smack some characters around a bit! You've give me characters that I feel good about hating, although Im quite sure why his Mom did those disgusting things with his food. A personal vendetta? Anyway, the only thing that wasn't believable was the segue into the drinking scene. When he corectly spouted off the legal drinking age, i was little skeptical. Half of the six year olds I know don't know wha...

I really what I've read. The only real criticism I can give is that you should embrace pronouns. Reading the word Karolina over and over gets a little redundant and can put a reader off a little. There are a little grammar issues like their/ there, you're / your sort of things but other than that it's very nice.

Since you were an English major, I trust you know who said the lines you are quoting, and I thank you for refraining from mentioning their names, as it would have convoluted the poem. All in all, your poem makes life sound a little sickeningly sweet; so much sugar and honey and cotton candy! But I can't tell you to change your metaphors; if that's the way life makes you feel, then by all means express it. As a fellow poet, I enjoyed your poem very much. As a fellow fan of ee cummings, I must ...

Wow; what a foul mouth for an angel. I'm not quite sure I understand whether they are angels, like the heavenly bodies, or something else. You could use a little bit more descripiton in your sentences, to give us a feel for the characters and their emotions. You should also embrace the semicolon in regards to your first couple sentences. It would make them seem that much more powerful. Keep writing!

I assume you've had some musical training. :) As a fellow musician I appreciate your use of actual musical terms. I liked your poem very much. the only criticism I can give is in your presentation. I don;t think the word echoes should follow the same pattern as the words 'fades to silence'. I think it would make it that much more dramatic.

This was pretty depressing. But since it's supposed to be that way I applaude you. The only true criticism I can give is that if you make the number of syllables from phrase to phrase too different, then it breaks the flow when you are trying to read. Other than that it was very good.