I like the way this flows. And the way you describe this girl makes me feel nice inside and brings me back to when I was younger, not to say I'm old, but it feels like I'm a young kid again. And the imagery you use is great.

I feel like we can all relate to this. But I can especially. The one thing you touch upon is that writers usually produce their best work, or only work at all when under the influence of something. Alcohol is a vice of almost every famous writer, and you capture the way that can go wrong so well, in the best way possible, through a poem.

I think that if you capitalized the stanzas like everybody else people would take you much more serious on this site, and any publisher would also. Otherwise I really like this poem. It has a flow to it, and I'm not quite sure what you're writing about, but the animosity makes it very intriguing. Very nice work here.

This was quite shocking because I know someone with the name Finn who has the same interests and you pretty much described him there. It's quite a short poem and I can relate to it, but I don't really see this going anywhere besides Urbis, and if that's okay with you then great, but it isn't very capitvating. If they were lyrics you could probably get it out through another medium, but it's up to you.

This strikes something within me because it is such an emotionally riveting thing to think about. I feel as if you gave this more length or maybe journaled a bit more about your mother the lady with life and spirit wouldn't be as gone as she used to be.

Why put these so far and few between, why not a whole list of first times, all with six words.

You bring up a very extensive subject that has much to think about. You could even go into depth with a few more thinking about how we can imagine and space out 'silence' or 'time' in between events like during music or something of that nature. Nice for the six words though.

What you need to do is take the whole poem, keep it mostly the same, but try and change the words so it does not seem like normal speech anymore. "You were the stone-eyed queen with a cement tongue; " Can be expressed the same way with different words like so; Oh you, the stone eyed queen, you had that tongue of cement Or really a whole million other ways. Try to think of the way Yoda speaks backwards or how other launguages place their verbs nous and construct their sentences. Do not limit y...