blkjagdrvr's profile
AGE:
56
LOC: San Jose, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 02
LOC: San Jose, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 02
My name is Joe.
I like to write about little discoveries of conscience. – The new perspectives that rewire old programs in our heads. Sometimes I see things; a tattoo, a cloud, a stranger in a seat next to me, but then I see something more, the stewing thought of which gnaws at me until I write it down. I am sure that is not a unique experience, but there it is.
I am interested in using URBIS for its original intention; improving the quality of my work, having it be seen by others and expanding my networking connections in the literary world.
Regards
Joe
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Atomic Love In the radioactive decay of an exploded relationship the burns are deep The half lives of hurt long outlast the glow When one splits to two Nuclei laid bare Stripped from the fabric of molecular connection The shattered fragments Fly out into the vacuum With no direction With no balance No orbit to call their own. All seems in disarray and the dark light years Of the barren space between The atoms of our souls mocks our existence with overwhelming insignificance But only when Just...
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Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Adrift at Sea So often the metaphor is conveyed of the ships passing in the night by writers who mime the originator of the famous line. But ships are too big and impersonal for me, when invoking that simile. I prefer the image of an open boat, suitable for one. Drifting with the currents, like Hemmingway’s old hero. But we are not alone unless we want to be. We are in a sea full of such boats and, From time to time, As the currents may allow, We pass by; two sailors on our separate courses. ...
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Version 3
1 Review
1 Comment
When most are drowning, sunlit skyward they look, Believing the dark waters denied, their solace will be found. But a diver knows when a troubled surface swells it sends shifting swirls of dim lit pearls through the depths and with the turbulence; Illumination wells through the brine and casts new light upon his mind. The diver can not surmise when set adrift and left unbound how currents will shift or in the submersion, new encounters found in the blue-black, but he does know that new fusion...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Midnight on the Pacific Coast Highway I roll along the long empty ribbon of the Pacific Coast Highway Alone in the warm dark of a late summer night, A lingering memory is all that keeps me company. Haunting me as I crest a soft rise That brings the road down alongside an unbroken beach and into the view of an alabaster moon lingering over the sleeping Pacific Ocean. The sea is a jet black blanket sewn with a mosaic of silvery sequins as the swirls of current reflect the stark light. The moon,...
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Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
I am beginning to remember The simple things that give reflection The clues we too often give no attention The color of your hair the cut of your dress The sly smile on your face as you confess of where you been, and the hidden scars you bear I am beginning to remember The lasting memories that call for reinspection Echos of pain that make the human connection The song of your voice The lines of your wisdom earned The depth of your eyes as you profess The fear of being spurned I am beginning ...
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Reviews
I am happy for you that you have found a love in your life. That said, let me take an impartial view and critique this fairly and honestly. Frankly this needs work on several levels. First off, there are too many disconnected threads in one body of work. It is as if three or four poems were put into a blender. I recommend one theme, for example the sun rise you spoke of at the beginning or the analogy to nature later in the poem. Second, it is apparent you have developed several catchy clause...
This has a good 5-7-5 form, but I was bothered by the "Glass reflect" portion. My visual image was a drop forming from the breath condensation so I think "walks on glass" is a bit better. Visualize the drop forming and slowing moving down, but then waits. Maybe flip it all around "Lonely teardrop walks on glass". - just a thought. Well done.
What is meant by "The word began looks a lot like pecan", and was this proof read at all prior to posting it for us review: punctuation errors, spelling errors, but perhaps the worse mistake; a rambling story line. I am not sure to take this seriously or if it is a on-line attempt at street theater.
Having been to Seoul many times, this story echos with familarity of image and recollection of places and feeling. The writer captures it's essence well. I also enjoy how she illuminates a young girl's plight in this male dominated culture. The story line is woven well into this background without getting lost in the details. I imagine this was just one of many misadventures. Well done.
Hello, It has been awhile since we spoke. I hope all is well. Given recent events, this is a very timely piece and it was bold of you to submit it. I think you have done well allowing the reader to get inside of Jones' head. If I may offer the following: - Provide more clarity of where in time Jones is when he says "Lazy bunch...." I read through the story three times and could not discern it. The second sentence of the same paragraph: Is that him speaking or the narrator? One other point, re...
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