bluelily's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Severn, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 01
LOC: Severn, MD
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 01
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Version 1
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Walls have been forever, first buried in solo chunks throughout earth and sea, waiting for gathering hands to puzzle them together in zippered tracks. And some, impatient for their exhumation, rise from the depths in grand protuberance, determined as gravestone. There is something so proud about a well-built wall, the caulk and pitch sealing cracks and fissures, the militant cast of silhouette and shroud, a dare to enter, shield of stone, the landscape scar, war stitch, monument to loneliness...
Version 1
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Daddy, daddy, she was born but flawless? daddy, am i flawless? only on the inside you say and your eyes turn downward away from new skin born clean as a whitewashed fence clean like blackboard punishment clean like the clergy, (ha!) and what about the outside then a beaut, they say, a beaut but in the rough just wait 'til the glint comes in just wait for the coal-crusher, fossil maker, putrifier a stallion to break her just wait 'til the breasts perk wilted white lilies leavened dough rising ...
Version 1
12 Reviews
3 Comments
She was lonely. The world was black and gray. No green trees. No blue skies. She could feel the sun, but it was gray. She could see smiling faces but not feel their warmth. She went to work. She went to school. She worked hard and wanted to get somewhere in life. She filled her life with things and people that she liked. She wanted challenge. She wanted strength. But she did not want to be alone. She saw other girls that were never alone. She saw they were different than her. In a field of fl...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
how significant is it that the black and white of the piano are called keys? that when i push them, a white field separated by black logs, a horizontal ladder, a race track complete with hurdles for my fingers, a toothy grin with many gapes... how significant is it that when i push them, these keys of the piano, i open?
Version 1
1 Review
3 Comments
My voice has become Too comfortably Spread upon sheets, Paper-thin and milk-white, Hidden. A sniper in trees, Camo artist with Daggers instead of bullets, Slow pierce instead of pop, Eye instead of mouth. And now what will I say That the freeze is done, When I know what you need, When I know what you want, When it is stuck On the shelves in my mind, Behind canning and pickles, Behind cobwebs and paintings, Fragile, Unborn word. What can I do But coax them out slowly, Ease them with honey and ...
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I think this is a nice poem. The contrast is both spelled out and subtle at the same time. The pain in the arms remains as proof that the wings were not imaginary. This implies that there is a price to pay for freedom? for the heightened sense? I almost want to see more of what is going on. Can you perhaps state some of the things seen while flying, or other ways they knew they were flying? For example, in the present, they "see" no feathers...a sensory proof. The yesterday is more abstract, ...
this is surprising...the title is a good irony, if that is the correct word. The images are not the prettiest and that makes for good reading. It is a little sad. And makes me think. I wonder if this is the work of some tacky taxidermist or a sad mishap roadkill. Good job.
This is very nice. What great contrast between the old man and the girl, opposites in so many ways: age, gender, him at first silent, her playing, he is wandering aimlessly, she has staked her position...but still musicians. I like the simple language and how precisely the action is portrayed. This is elegant and concise. The ending is nice, as though one final interaction of this sort was needed before he would say farewell and move on... very nice. pretty.
I like the consonance and the alliteration and the rhythm you have going on here. You also have nice internal rhymes and some good imagery. The problem I had was in following the thoughts...they didn't seem as a whole connected. The sounds and the words are very nice, for the qualities of sounds and words. But the overall theme is difficult to track down. I am getting some sort of allusions to greek mythology...in fact the line where Aphrodite longed for nicotine and mortal eyes, is, in my op...
This is very good. I might suggest breaking the long stanza into smaller ones...some of these line breaks could possibly be moved to create more evocative stand alone imagery, for example: your beauty twisting LIVE until EVIL is all you are truth I am not sure how i feel about the "live" and "evil" reference. Here you are calling attention to written word, which could be effective, yes, but in doing so I shift my focus from Eve to the mode of transport you are delivering her with. This may or...
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