The content of the poem is indeed graphic and demanding of attention. The explicit language is good, mixed with the "flowery" genre of poetry. The quotes--could you disperse them throughout the poem, perhaps? I would perhaps play with breaking up the stanzas to distort the flow, perhaps...it may be effective to create "snapshots"...this reads a bit like a story, which is fine, but the order is just that, very orderly and chronological...it really is a distorted and ugly thing which is going o...

The title is very beautiful and creates a nice framework for the haiku. The second line loses a bit of power in the word choice of "lap", I think. I was trying to think about what you could substitute, actually, the "fall shine" is a bit confusing also...this line is where I would put your focus. I need a bit of clarification here. The first line makes me feel that the rushing waters wish to escape the river as a whole being...and I like that idea; that they are "jumping" to get away from the...

This is brief and I am not quite sure why you have written this piece. Is it to relay your feelings? You haven't really given any feelings. Is is to relay information? You yourself apologize for the lack of information. Is it a warning in general? For that, I say thanks. Overall, you could put more of yourself into this...the part where you talk about the comet and the arc and the orb could really be made into something interesting. You try for a bit of comedy at the end which I think is nice...

I found this enjoyable and whimsical. It has a Dr. Seuss quality. A light-hearted portrayal and I appreciate the mix of the high genre of the ode with the "lowly" status of underwear. A good clash.

I like the simplicity of the title. Honestly, I get lost in the flowery language and long lines. I like the inner rhyme and you get a nice rhythm going here and there, but for some reason I can't really get a grasp on the emotion. Some of the lines are cliche: the birds, the flowers, the spring... I think I would remove the reference to your mother, unless you want the motherly image to detract from the possible erotic/passionate. I want more raw feeling...perhaps play with the line breaks, s...

This is very good. I might suggest breaking the long stanza into smaller ones...some of these line breaks could possibly be moved to create more evocative stand alone imagery, for example: your beauty twisting LIVE until EVIL is all you are truth I am not sure how i feel about the "live" and "evil" reference. Here you are calling attention to written word, which could be effective, yes, but in doing so I shift my focus from Eve to the mode of transport you are delivering her with. This may or...

I like the consonance and the alliteration and the rhythm you have going on here. You also have nice internal rhymes and some good imagery. The problem I had was in following the thoughts...they didn't seem as a whole connected. The sounds and the words are very nice, for the qualities of sounds and words. But the overall theme is difficult to track down. I am getting some sort of allusions to greek mythology...in fact the line where Aphrodite longed for nicotine and mortal eyes, is, in my op...

This is very nice. What great contrast between the old man and the girl, opposites in so many ways: age, gender, him at first silent, her playing, he is wandering aimlessly, she has staked her position...but still musicians. I like the simple language and how precisely the action is portrayed. This is elegant and concise. The ending is nice, as though one final interaction of this sort was needed before he would say farewell and move on... very nice. pretty.

this is surprising...the title is a good irony, if that is the correct word. The images are not the prettiest and that makes for good reading. It is a little sad. And makes me think. I wonder if this is the work of some tacky taxidermist or a sad mishap roadkill. Good job.

I think this is a nice poem. The contrast is both spelled out and subtle at the same time. The pain in the arms remains as proof that the wings were not imaginary. This implies that there is a price to pay for freedom? for the heightened sense? I almost want to see more of what is going on. Can you perhaps state some of the things seen while flying, or other ways they knew they were flying? For example, in the present, they "see" no feathers...a sensory proof. The yesterday is more abstract, ...