brahmasong's profile
AGE:
46
LOC: Boone, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 06
LOC: Boone, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 06
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Items
Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, hear the street ridden groan from the weight of the ground Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, where i shuffled with the dead who were wont to lay down Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, let me drift with the ghosts and the dust the wind blew up from the ground Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, from here tic! seems miles from toc! and the weight of my wages what's turning the clock Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, there behind the guilded cloth rests the hand that brought th...
Version 2
7 Reviews
4 Comments
Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, where the street ridden roam and the shit hits the ground Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, where i walked with the dead who were wont to lay down Scatter my ashes; in Overtown, let me drift with the ghosts and the dust from the ground Scatter my ashes; in Overtown where the tic's miles from toc and the wages weight's what moves the clock When i hear the sirens song… St.pete and i,we meet at dawn. An absolution from on high, he slips to me with furtive eye. The sl...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
When i hear the sirens song... St.pete and i,we meet at dawn. An absolution from on high, he slips to me with furtive eye. the slouching legoins,living dead in golden liquid burst of red we're truly now without a past alone at last!alone at last Scatter my ashes in Overtown, where the street ridden roam and the shit hits the ground Scatter my ashes in Overtown, where i walked with the dead who were wont to lay down Scatter my ashes in Overtown,
Version 4
7 Reviews
12 Comments
How many are there, centuries dead, forgotten tongues inside your head? Their rhymes and song, a living ray, will never see the light of day. The whispered prayers, magic spells, that in your heart chimed silver bells, and golden riddles we were posed - their answers, mute... beneath the rose. The new tongue's heart is mechanical; Our souls? Now hypothetical. Deader still, but permanent; its eyes, across the firmament.
Version 1
40 Reviews
29 Comments
One evening, a young man from Kent, who's member was crooked and bent, went alone to the park, on a lark in the dark; none the poorer he is, now, but spent.
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Reviews
very poetic and lyrical.try as i might though i couldn't find reference to any short story, at least not one i might've read.as far as it being a sonnet ,though i read and freread it many times,but i couldn't feel any rythmic consistency,that said though i'm not really familiar with the sonnet but for the most part i usually can find a rythmic symetry, if there's one to be felt,i usually find it. i always give the bennefit of the doubt when it comes to interpretation,but,the whole first stan...
the content is kinda childish, but that is not what bothers me about the piece. It isn't conforming to the to limmerick criteria. for instance: your syllabic pattern is 8-9- THAT thought IT was better than I (who and personal pronouns are reserved for human beings, not animals or inanimate objects... but I can't take umbrage with the usage if you were trying to anthropomorphize the clould. Notice in that line, I removed the word "far" as it is not necessary at all to move the limerick forward...
this doesn't conform to limmerick,at all on the surface to you i might but i think you don't have the meter right and this piece isn't even funny, nasty or remotely witty!but i think you could easily could tweek it into place and not really jeopordise the subect! but thats up to you!
so far as poetic and interesting vivid imagery very sleek almost like really great writting i thought it strong. the only prob i had was with the title really i didn't really get a sense of suffocation or anything like that.and on the surface that said, at a glance,might sound rather dense of me but lust sayin' wjat i think!
i think this more of a narrative than poetry whether it be poetic or not!i mean its touching but certainly no verse that i can see!sorry..
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