bravis's profile 
AGE:
34
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 15
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 15
My credentials – I’ve read a lot, written a fair bit, and have been on Urbis two years plus now, PLUS I can spell (a much undervalued thing it seems these days), AND I know when to use a semi-colon. I write looooooong reviews and have no time for people who can’t accept my well-meaning critique. If you’re here for an ego boost and to be told your writing is perfect, you’re going to hate my reviews and may as well block me now and thereby continue to kid yourself. Bow down to Bravis little ones…
_
Pet peeves:
- Prologues that info dump.
- Omniscient narration done badly.
- Reviews that don’t comment past page one.
- People who vote negatively out of spite.
- Fan fiction.
- Raw tomatoes.
Items
Version 4
10 Reviews
3 Comments
7th November 2008 LJK Literary Management FAO Mr Laghi Dear Mr Laghi, Have you ever wondered what makes you the person you are? Is it your life experiences and memories? Is it the relationships you form with those around you? Is it your biological self - your DNA, your cells? How about your mind? Your ‘soul’? Philosophers have pondered the nature of personal identity for centuries without coming to a conclusion about what makes a person the same person today as they we...
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
25 Reviews
58 Comments
*4.38am: The End* I stumble out of the club. The cold air hits me and makes me shiver. The material of my dress sticks to my clammy skin. I tingle all over. The pavement is moving - rolling and heaving. I fall. Shit! The tarmac is wet and rough. My knee is grazed. I lean against the wall and rest my cheek against the brick. It feels nice and cool. Must get home. Where’s my bag? Shit, I’ve left it in the club. But I can’t go back. Why can’t I go back? Something happened. Something with Jess… W...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
20 Reviews
18 Comments
Callista slowly opened one eye and peered around her, her vision still blurry with sleep and dust, trying to recall where she was. Waking up she sat up slowly and stretched, feeling the knots in her back and neck ease slightly. Looking around her she saw people strewn all over the hillside, some shaking out cloaks and blankets, others lighting fires, whilst others were still sleeping off the excesses of the night before, their cloaks drawn over their heads, creating the impression of mounds o...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
21 Reviews
25 Comments
As the crowds began applauding and cheering the next series of leapers entering the arena, Callista led the girl by the hand through the press of bodies towards the yard where she knew Telenia would have been taken. The girl followed Callista dumbly, her cheeks streaked from where her tears had cut channels through the dust on her face. She had cried at first as she watched her sister be carried from the arena, and Callista had held her tightly and stroked her hair, but now she seemed to be n...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
21 Reviews
23 Comments
I walk through the woodland listening to the sound of raindrops falling through the canopy, impacting on the leaves on their way down. My feet feel wet. I glance down at the puddle I am standing in and at the brown ooze of mud, rotten leaves and bark seeping into my shoes through the decorative holes cut into the white leather. _What inappropriate footwear for a walk in the woods, my mother would say… I think._ My hair feels cold and wet, the tendrils of my fringe stuck to my forehead. Wet ri...
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Reviews
The only improvement to the writing that I could see was in the letter, so no point pointing it out. The rest was well written - humorous and clearly expressed. The subject - love the disdainful tone taken about the paper's emotive take on the picture. On your view about delaying the devastation and on global warming being inevitable - I agree with the latter more than the former. The sad fact of the matter is that there is probably very little we can do to stop or even slow down global warmi...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
_but it was only with great difficulty_ - I'd say 'it took a lot of concentration to block out...', and also then say 'those around her that were' to clarify that she is feeling the thoughts of other passengers. With these changes I don't think you need the first thought about her being an empath. It seemed a little OTT - like you felt the need to hammer the point home that she was an empath for any reader that didn't get it from the first sentence. _the view was worth noting_ - this seems a ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I had just about finished an extensive review of this and my computer crashed. Grrr! That'll teach me to work outside of Word. Anyway, I will attempt to recreate the main points, although I lack the patience to go through looking for the errors I spotted the first time... Since your goals indicate that you want to be published at some stage I think you should reconsider both the opening to this story, and also the overall style of writing. The second point is not as radical as it sounds, I si...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
I tend to type as I read - bear with me... Your synopsis was enough to draw me into this, which is a sign of a good story idea. The concept seemed original and I was keen to read it, even though it was a later chapter. That said I think your story is struggling to surface through the translation exercise at times. As a monolinguist I am in awe of anyone able to speak two languages, let alone translate prose from one into the other, but that said, if you want this story to be successful in Eng...
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