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AGE: 33
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 22

I live in the UK and I’m currently trying to find time to write a first novel.  Unfortunately for my novel writing aspirations though I’m a high school teacher and thus a bit short of time!  I use Urbis to teach me more about writing, both by submitting the occasional item for review, and also through reading and reviewing the work of others.

Preferred genres – sci-fi and fantasy, although I have a fairly low tolerance for generic ‘Lord of the Rings’ style fantasy.  I’ve read a lot of it, some good and some bad, and find myself craving originality whenever I see a fantasy name with an apostrophe in it.  Hence my attempts to reimagine the genre a little in my own writing which hopefully combines the fantasy requirements (magic, good a…

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Item Stats
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Items
Short Story / Carla's First Time
Version 1
25 Reviews   64 Comments
*4.38am: The End* I stumble out of the club. The cold air hits me and makes me shiver. The material of my dress sticks to my clammy skin. I tingle all over. The pavement is moving - rolling and heaving. I fall. Shit! The tarmac is wet and rough. My knee is grazed. I lean against the wall and rest my cheek against the brick. It feels nice and cool. Must get home. Where’s my bag? Shit, I’ve left it in the club. But I can’t go back. Why can’t I go back? Something happened. Something with Jess… W...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Goddess Ch2
Version 1
20 Reviews   18 Comments
Callista slowly opened one eye and peered around her, her vision still blurry with sleep and dust, trying to recall where she was. Waking up she sat up slowly and stretched, feeling the knots in her back and neck ease slightly. Looking around her she saw people strewn all over the hillside, some shaking out cloaks and blankets, others lighting fires, whilst others were still sleeping off the excesses of the night before, their cloaks drawn over their heads, creating the impression of mounds o...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Goddess Ch3
Version 1
21 Reviews   25 Comments
As the crowds began applauding and cheering the next series of leapers entering the arena, Callista led the girl by the hand through the press of bodies towards the yard where she knew Telenia would have been taken. The girl followed Callista dumbly, her cheeks streaked from where her tears had cut channels through the dust on her face. She had cried at first as she watched her sister be carried from the arena, and Callista had held her tightly and stroked her hair, but now she seemed to be n...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / A Walk in the Woods
Version 1
21 Reviews   23 Comments
I walk through the woodland listening to the sound of raindrops falling through the canopy, impacting on the leaves on their way down. My feet feel wet. I glance down at the puddle I am standing in and at the brown ooze of mud, rotten leaves and bark seeping into my shoes through the decorative holes cut into the white leather. _What inappropriate footwear for a walk in the woods, my mother would say… I think._ My hair feels cold and wet, the tendrils of my fringe stuck to my forehead. Wet ri...
Ratings & Rankings
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Goddess
Version 8
29 Reviews   30 Comments
Water swirled around her as Callista frantically struggled to get to the surface. She screamed at the waters, and then struggled to follow the bubbles rising to the surface but could not seem to swim upwards. Gritting her teeth in determination she pulled at the water with strong strokes, but it was as if something from below was dragging her inexorably downwards. Her movements became weaker and weaker and what little headway she had made was quickly lost as she tired, her body sinking slowly...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Undetermined
A few typos first... _light as a feather, but weighty as lead_ - this seems a little contradictory. _that she looking hurridly around the room_ - looked hurriedly. I don't like the adverb here though. Is there a better verb to use than 'looked' that negates the need for the adverb? Adverbs used in this way weaken writing. Maybe 'scanned the room', or 'she cast her eyes around the room', or 'she scoured the room' Another couple of naughty adverbs I spotted - _leisurely strolled_ and _Breathing...
Go DC... Go DC... Go DC... Are you second place yet? Liking the use of non-popularised formatting tricks. How'd you do that strike-through script thing again? $2.95 seems a little cheap though. What is that, about 30 pence? Don't sell your soul in the US, sell it in the UK and convert back to dollars - you'll make a fortune. P.S. I really do like this memoir. I'm not just here because of our cliquey forum conversations.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Remedy -- intro rewrite
The first section has some really weird phrasing in it - _gold as memory, gods-banished mines, thick dark, scent-note._ These phrases confused me and broke the flow whilst I was reading because I had to reread them and the preceding words in order to try and work out what you meant. This might put some people off straight away if they picked your book up and read the first few lines. The first paragraph in particular needs to read easily and hook the reader in. People will often see the first...
_I was at a doctor’s convention in San Francisco on break._ - the beginning was straight in there with the action, but this line broke it up. It was a weird line of information that didn't really relate to the sentences around it. You've already shown us that the character is a doctor. Do we need to know they're at a conference at this point? Resist the temptation to tell the reader bits of random information. _Here I was a successful surgeon, two homes one on each coast and alone._ - this ne...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Sorrow's Despair Chapter Two

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