broker's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Woodbridge, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 28
LOC: Woodbridge, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 28
I like writing….very original.
Items
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter One A mid-afternoon draft rolled through suburbia, turning over dozens of crumpled autumn leaves. All the while shaking the mighty trees, inviting more leaves to join the journey. As the wind began to make it's leave a sky blue convertible was slowly making it's entrance, a young black man, no younger than eighteen at it's helm. Across his muscled upper-body he wore his black and gold track team jacket, with his last name Maxwell stitched in gold lettering across the back. Maxwell con...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter One A breeze rolled through suburbia, turning over dozens of crunchy, crumpled autumn colored leaves. The kind breeze continued to roll through, ruffling the mighty trees and shaking more leaves from their thick bodies. The breeze wasn’t the only thing rolling through, a sky blue convertible was slowly making it's way through the suburbs; driven by a young African- American man. He was wearing his usual gold and black high school track team jacket and his “cool” black shades. Across t...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I had some confusion in the very beginning towards the sex of the narrator, till you described how puberty went. There is a lot of cussing, but it doesn't seem forced, or just sprinkled in there to show anger and disgust; it all works within the words. If there is one thing I'd add who died at Christmas other than thanksgiving. Christmas is the mother of all holiday's and if no one in the family died on Christmas that would also be something to mention. Other than those small changes I really...
I don't see a lot of imagery in my head, but your lines are still powerful, instead of imagery I get a sense of wonder and freedom from it. Really fun haiku to read.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People






