cakeinautumn's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Mesa, AZ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 04
LOC: Mesa, AZ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 04
Hello;
I consider myself a serious writer, I really do. I’ve been writing “seriously” for seven years now, since I was fourteen, but rarely do I show my writing to other people, or if I do, do I receive anything even close to a good review; not that I receive bad reviews, I just don’t receive intelligent ones, I should point out. I receive praise from friends, and teachers, and mentors, but finding someone, besides my nihilistic best friend, to peruse a story and give me truthful feedback is next to impossible—
and then I found Urbis. Now, as of the time of writing this little blurb about myself, I have yet to submit anything – nor have I given any reviews myself. Probably because I know that there are so many much better writers o…
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
It takes strength of mind to be able to move forward, but it takes strength of heart to be able to stay and fix things first.
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He stepped soundlessly along the road, a quarter moon high above. Smokey eyes zipped around – he was not fearful of the dark, but familiarity had taught the sixteen-year-old to be circumspect on the streets at night. His too-big boots clopped softly against the cobbles of the wide boulevard. Tugging his hood frontward over his uncontrollable midnight mop, the assassin noted that he had passed into the wealthier part of Greeith. &nbs...
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I enjoy people who cherish each moment like it's the only important one, the last one, but when you focus all of your energy on today, you forget yesterday, and ruin tomorrow's opportunities.
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i find myself drifting through time, and the sheets, a myriad of color tears drying fast my chest is in pain there's water in my eyes i look to my side you're there, but you're asleep sometimes, i just need a hold, a touch, a kiss... sometimes, i'm scared. to wake up, and be alone? it's a nightmare that i never leave i told you about my dream. i shivered when i woke up it scared me, so scared... was it a dream? you're still here. but you're asleep sometimes, i just need a hold your hold your ...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
6 Comments
It was never really her world – the glittering gems adorning the gowns, the stiff way the men stood and exchanged witty banter, the security; even though she was the daughter of a decorated soldier of the army, and her mother was an duchess, she had always felt out of her body when forced to attend parties and balls and festivals in the name of high society. Of course, she understood the corruption, the money handed under tables, the whispers o...
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This is quite funny. I read it a few times over till forming a review, though, simply because its rhythm and rhyme scheme really throws me off. In some parts, it has a clear rhythm, and the words rhyme fairly well, yet in others, it seems more free form and lacking any sort of beat to the lines. My advice is to find some sort of consistency; either elect to find a more stable rhythm and rhyme, or abandon them altogether for something that freely flows of its own volition. Moving on, I noticed...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Overall, for the first several paragraphs, I was left wondering if this was going to be just another contemplative piece full of overused wording and not-quite poignant prose, but then the end arrived, and I was quite pleased with the way it was delivered, and the message conveyed. However, there is an abundance of punctuation errors and faulty sentence structure. I think, perhaps, that you're a bit semi-colon happy. You use them a lot, but not necessarily in the correct way; in order for you...
At first, I wasn't quite such what to make of this. I re-read it multiple times, lingering on some phrases repeatedly while merely trying to digest others. And I came to this conclusion -- this poem is both horrific and hilarious. It keeps a steady beat of beaten metaphor, but at the end, it seems to drop off. I'm wondering, is that an artistic flair you're trying to convey while you chop short the usual tempo of the rest of the poem, or were you merely trying to wrap up a point, so to speak?...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Overall, this is good; I like the freeform freely flowing font, the almost -- almost grumbled way the narrator speaks of things no longer experienced. But there seems to be something missing from the story: the end. Well, at least in my opinion; it seems the end of the poem is lacking something, perhaps a more solid ending. It seems as though the thought was left unfinished, and perhaps that was your goal anyways, to leave the end open, for the reader to contemplate its intentions. Other than...
I know I'm supposed to give some objective, critical review, but I'm totally biased; and your work is just lovely. It's a very good song; I love the story it tells, as well as the rhythm, and I can almost imagine music in my head. Very good. :]
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