calliopeiamuse's profile

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AGE: 19
LOC: Bremerton, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 04

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Items
Novel Treatments / Llamagirl part 1
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
It was a sunny day in the peaceful town of Dullville. Historians maintain that the town was named for a Mr. Herbert Dull, but I doubt it. More likely, somebody probably spent one day in the place and knew just what to call it. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, and Dullville would still be Dullville. Anyway, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, and the grass was greener than ever. Along the sidewalks young maples stretched their leafy bran...
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Non-fiction / An Outline of Me
Version 2
9 Reviews   0 Comments
I will attempt to be neither pretentious nor insipid, to be sincere without being dramatic, and to be truthful without being bitter. In attempting all these, I'm pretty sure I will succeed in none. Writing a story is difficult because you have to choose a goal for your writing. Do you want to entertain, or do you want to be artistic? It's so hard to achieve more than one goal in any piece. Usually I write, and then halfway through I decide it's not good enough to finish. I lack follow-through...
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Non-fiction / An Outline of Me
Version 1
7 Reviews   2 Comments
I will attempt to be neither pretentious nor insipid, to be sincere without being dramatic, and to be truthful without being bitter. In attempting all these, I'm pretty sure I will succeed in none. Writing a story is difficult because you have to choose a goal for your writing. To do want to entertain, or do you want to be artistic? It's so hard to achieve more than one goal in any piece. Usually I write, and then halfway through I decide it's not good enough to finish. I lack follow-through ...
Ratings & Rankings
Limericks / Mercutio's Curse
Version 1
43 Reviews   9 Comments
A pox on the Montague house for picking an ill-fortuned spouse - and I pox Capulet, home of sweet Juliette, 'cause Romeo has been such a louse!
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Novel Treatments / Gloria ch. 2
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Life went on much the same for almost a year. Every other day, I took Bible lessons from Nanny. On Sundays, I went to Mass. In my spare time, I did chores and took beatings from my father. Sometimes, when the sunlight turned the morning sky into a lavender blanket, I thought that maybe I was happy. Other times, when my father’s grip bruised my arms and the lashings swelled into welts, I knew that I wasn’t. One such ordinary day, I scrubbed the grimy stone floor of our dining hall. The house h...
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Reviews
Flash Fiction / Body Art
Well, this is very intense. Too intense, I think. You risk alienating the reader by opening with some very disturbing imagery. I understand that this may be what you're going for, a shock factor, but even still it's a little much. The idea of a tattoo artist being aroused by his tattooing is discomfiting to say the least. However, if you are going to go in that direction, embrace the idea that this character is somewhat perverted, twisted and dark. When he starts imagining killing the girl an...
20.0% Review Quality (5 Votes)
Locked
Non-fiction / Night: The Final Curtain
Wow. This is a powerful and personal story, and I think it's incredible. That being said, your grammar could use some work. The quotation marks are all over the place, often missing (usually at the end of a quote. There are also a lot of places where I think it seems more natural to use contractions. For example: “I am sorry,” I whispered. It seems more natural to say "I'm sorry". Of course, this is an artistic choice; however, I think it will really improve the narrative all around to change...
Short Story / Solution - Scene 1
I hate to make this such a long review - but you asked for it. Here's the minor problems, condensed. They really did it thought Donovan. Change it to: They really did it, thought Donovan. This is a consistent problem. The end of any dialogue, quote or thought always needs a comma if the sentence continues after it. Backed by the cadence of the respirator... "Backed" is a visual description. I assume you're talking about sound here. A better description would be "Underscored by the rhythmic wh...
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