camalonious's profile

I see your point about your verbs and adjectives, at first reading words like "Froggered" (which shouldnt have the capital f?), Karate - kicking and conned work really well actually at creating more of a mental image and saying no the the dictionary for once, breaking convention. It's quite entertaining I have to say sounds like my future, whether that be a good thing or a bad thing :P Cheers and well done

It's alrite this quote jimmy with a clear and obvious message, however I can't help but feel I've heard this, or a variation of it, before. I don't think the elipsis is neccasary but hey it's your quote, nice job. :)

I actually really like this, carrying connotations of being fragile - in relation to glass houses. The meaning could be many, for me it makes me feel like people can see through her, or that she can see through others, but why would the first be envied? Not a direct question mind, just something that I think of. Nice, sweet, and short :)

I like the use of full stops, it creates a sense of imagination for me, using words lexis like that makes me picture more of my own interpretation, meaning your not directing your audience into fixed mental image which is very good. Just one little query; "Lights flash. Lightning" the repetition of the word Light in lights and lightning in terms of phonetics sounds a bit strange. Surely if you put lightning we'd all know in our minds that it creates a flash of light? Otherwise very imaginati...

I like the twist! Every man's worst nighmare no? Perfect for the flash ficiton format, short snappy and yet descriptive. Just a couple of things to watch out for; "somebody throws me back" - threw my back would be the normal tense, but i can see the action is meant to be present tense, so how about "pulls me back"? "felt that my heart is made of chocolate" and again at "I felt that all my heart is melt" - here you could just say your heart melts like chocolate, use a simile. And "felt that a...