I'm impressed with the rhyming here. it remains subtle throughout. I feel that this could be cropped down a bit. It seems that at times you are repeating and slamming your point home. Maybe if you read it back and try asking yourself if every line is needed.

This is good, although it is hard to judge a novel idea from a short character intro. I have little to go on. From here you show great writting and a strong character, but little potentiol for story. I'm not saying it is bad, I'm saying I need more to judge.

Sorry I have nothing to say besides perfect. this is what poetry needs to be. Thank you for sharing.

This is good and very touching it is full of feeling and that is why it works, still the repeating of it may give it flow, but also makes it tiresome after a while I think it would be helpful to shorten this a bit.

Makes me want to read more and it puts a smile on my face.

What happened with the silent alarm? I was waiting for that. and where was the clerk? I feel these questions go unanswered and it leaves holes in the story. If you plan on answering them latter then that is fine, but if not I think you need to look at those aspects. All and all it is good the discriptions are great, but the dialogue may be a little weak.

The dialogue is better in this one, i missed the secound. The line that the sign jumped into the car made no sence to me, latter when he spoke about putting other sighns in the trunk I got the point, but i think ou should take another look at that first one. I like where this is going.

Some of your spacing seeems wrong. If you write everything in one line in a poem you are suggesting that it should be read without stopping. I found this hard to do at times it did not feel right. The line about colors is brillant, but once was enough.

This is good. Look out you forgot to close your quotes one time. Still it reads well and pulls you in.

This is good ,but slow moving. I know it is important to set the stage, but sometimes you need to keep the reader looking into the future a bit to hook them I saw that you did make a promise for a meeting in the first chapter and that may be enough, but a bit more forshawdowing could help. I love the dialogue with the maids, great work and you do a good job of showing rather then telling.