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catipoet's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Browns Summit, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 26
LOC: Browns Summit, NC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 26
I am a 36 year old mother of three. I enjoy reading and writing poetry. I hope you enjoy reading my work.
Items
Version 2
13 Reviews
0 Comments
Trisha with her cute blond curls. She has always been the dare devil one. Trisha being a big girl (so she thought) saw my glass of tea sitting on top of the counter in the kitchen. She decided she wanted some. She dragged her high chair over to the counter. Then she began to climb. The high chair was not quiet close enough to my drink. As she reached out to get the glass, her arms not long enough to grab it. She knocked the glass over. It crashed to the floor and broke. As the glass fell, th...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Trisha Trisha a very smart 3 year old. With her cute blond curls. She has always been the dare devil one. Trisha being a big girl (so she thought) saw my glass of tea sitting on top of the counter in the kitchen. She decided she wanted some. She dragged her high chair over to the counter. Then she began to climb. The high chair was not quiet close enough to the glass of tea. As she reached out to get the tea, her arms not long enough to grab it. She knocked the glass over. It crashed to the f...
Version 5
4 Reviews
0 Comments
I must say my younger brother, CJ, listened very well to my parents. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking lunch one Sunday afternoon when my younger brother was only 2 years old. He kept getting underfoot as my mom would say. She told him to go out side with his daddy. Well needless to say he went. Dad was working under the old car (that was always breaking down). He said to my little brother "Go in the house with your Momma, I'm busy and can't watch you." So he did as he was told Momma said " ...
Version 4
3 Reviews
0 Comments
I must say my younger brother listened very well to my parents. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking lunch one Sunday afternoon when my younger brother was only 2 years old. He kept getting underfoot as my mom would say. She told him to go out side with his daddy. Well needless to say he went. Dad was working under the old car (that was always giving him trouble). He said to my little brother "Go in the house with your Momma, I'm busy and can't watch you." So he did. Momma said " CJ I told you t...
Version 3
8 Reviews
1 Comment
I must say my younger brother listened very well to my parents. My Mom was in the kitchen cooking lunch one Sunday afternoon when my younger brother was only 2 years old. He kept getting underfoot as my mom would say. She told him to go out side with his daddy. Well need less to say he went. Dad was working under the old car (that was always giving him trouble). He said to my little brother "Go in the house with your Momma, I'm busy and can't watch you." So he did. Well this went on for a hal...
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Reviews
I enjoyed reading this piece, I could feel the pain of losing a loved one. I have a couple of suggestions. Page 15 the word climbered, shouldn't it be climbed? Also I would break up some of the sentences that seem to run on, I noticed quiet a bit of this during the story, I will give you an example and you can go back over it and see where you can fix it. It really started on a Thursday morning in late May, the kind of morning where summer is just finally coming around after a reluctant sprin...
I have immages in my head of this happening. Also made me hungery. The first layer creeps smoothly through the cracks, it is something sinister as it glides, cascading down the stairs, descending on my nostrils, like cancer, unseen. Nose hairs tickled by an air of changing smells, each slow breath draws in more of the tainted air. Good work thanks for sharing
Overall I like this short story. I have some suggestions to help you. It needs some work punctuation, capitalization, need to show who is saying what, Fix where you are going from telling the story in 3rd person narration, and have it as you are the one telling the story, separate people talking so the reader will be able to follow easier, look for missed spelled words, quotations, where you have people speaking. Here are a couple of ideas where you need these things. I have corrected the err...
This piece brought a tear to my eye at the end. Suddenly, you disappear and all I see are empty sheets right next to me. Then I remember with great dismay. Two weeks ago you passed away. I can only imigian the pain of waking up and finding out your true love has passed on. Great Job on this one. The ratings only go up to 10 or I would give it a 100%.
I really like this piece. I have 3 teens. I know how smart they really are. I think a lot of older people think they are smarter cause they are older but we can learn a lot from the young ones if only we would listen. thank you for sharing.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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