catluckey's profile
AGE:
54
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 28
LOC: Saint Louis, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 28
I’m Catluckey and looking forward to being published. Serious and with only a short amount of time, I need readers, writers who’d want to jump in on this rollercoaster ride titled The Watchman.
What I need? Grammar, conent, scientific/character believability, and whether or not you nodd to each installment.
If you got a name, game, slant or chance, come on over and experience The Watchman. And thank you for all your help, participation, and (hey, why not) FUN!
Oh, the guy in the profile is the “real” watchman, Teeabu, illustrated by me. He’s one of the protagonists. Just to give a little taste of what’s in store. Come aboard and and fly on my ship. Let’s be friends.
Items
Version 2
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Paul retrieved some recording equipment, notebook, and pen. He went to observe the portrait of the prophet. Cuneiforms and other symbols were displayed at the bottom of the garish colored mural. “Yutva has informed me that I’m to give you a tour of our area,” Delah said. Paul reeled around shocked, surprised at her sudden appearance. “Yeah?” “Yeah,” she echoed. “Sorry, didn’t know you were there.” “That’s okay. Since we have no time to lose, I’d like to show you the most important area in th...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
The cave was dark, letting in the moon beams from golden-limned clouds. Paul stood at its mouth, watching tiny sparks of fire and rain sprinkle down. It looked like a beaded curtain at the cave opening. Amazing, he glanced at his watch: 2200 hours, earth time. Fortunately, the storm hadn’t destroyed it. Sliding the watch up and down his wrist, Paul wondered when the rain would stop so he could return Delah back home. It was impossible to contact the ship with all the interference the storm c...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
10 Comments
Bleep...bleep...A whirring noise came from behind Teeabu then hard metal pushed against his leg.“Hey, Jerron. Stop it.” Teeabu dropped his fruit wrap onto the platform where they stood just a few feet away from the train. White light-emitting diodes striped along the length of the platform and craggy tunnel walls, allowed Teeabu clear visibility of the boarding area. Teeabu swung around. “You're messing with my leg. Stop—” A round green contraption tickled his leg, swept up the bread wrap, an...
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Version 1
8 Reviews
11 Comments
“Teeabu, of the House of Ruyles of Jamis—the lineage of priesthood...” The announcer, Mstr. Lolace of the House of Randen, stood at the podium. To Teeabu, she was a no-nonsense woman: homework always turned in on time or they failed that grade, perfect attendance a must or they felt the whip of her scolds. Sharp angles and a long face suited her disposition. He waited patiently for his fellow classmates to line up in the isle against the wall.After she called eleven other names, she proclaime...
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Version 6
6 Reviews
8 Comments
“Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire.”Delah mouthed the words as she read it and pressed her forefinger on the icon located in the middle of her permission slip. Elder’s fuzzy holographic image extended over the digital text on the plasti-tablet. The image repeated: Elder placed a holy sash over a young student. Satisfied, she pinched the right-h...
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Reviews
SwordMistress, you have perfect descriptions, especially on showing Mikell's bubbling anger. Like: He smiled at her, but she saw something in his eyes that she didn’t understand. A boiling rage seemed to sit just below the surface. His jaw clenched and his posture was rigid. And I love the details adding richness and vibrance to your characters and setting. Like Mikell's distant look and face twitching or the nice warm hearth and cherry scent from Ash's pipe smoke. You did a wonderful job of ...
SwordMistress, I wish this was on a shelf so I could buy it. This is a very captivating story with conflict, action, mystery, romance, and all the rest. I'm giving comma and basic sentence edits here. I'm PMing you with more in-depth edits and suggestions. They'll cost too many credits. Zeke smiled warmly. There's an xtra paragraph space above Zeke, making the next lines (that end in Lauriana falling asleep) appear in Zeke's pov. If this area is still in Lauriana pov, then delete xtra space. ...
Bravo! Your story is what storytelling is all about. You had me from "Ryan opened his locker..." Excellent. I couldn't peel my eyes from the conflict from awful things said about Charlie to poor hot-headed Ryan and all his testosteron boiling. This was, in fact realistic...seeing that Ryan is too tempermental. One can't believe what others say, especially those of questionable reputation. Ryan has faults and they're showing in this embarrasing incident. I don't see any errors up front. The di...
You've got a good premise. Also there's great action in here. But you must state the goal or objective of Tom Keller. Why this guy is out there in a space station that several countries made? For repairs? To install weapons, toilets, more computer components? To upgrade? To expand the station? What? And you need to break up your sentences and the larger paragraphs. Get a rhythm. And, please, do your best to spell each word correctly, it would make your budding story so much better and easier ...
%{color:brown}Once again you've got an eye-poppin', page turning, engrossing story. Most excellent.% “If you’ll not change your %{color:blue}mind,% then... (insert comma) %{color:brown}I liked the part when Mikell's jaw clenched and face twitched. Excellent show of his vexation. Yep, If I were Lauriana, I'd say , “Fine,” too.% Lauriana dressed %{color:blue}quickly,% hoping to... (insert comma) %{color:blue}Perhaps,% I can discover... (insert comma) ...repeated the question three times... (Let...
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