Hi. So I'll get right to the points - Strengths - The world seems to be well-considered and colorfully realized (or at least as far as I can tell from only having read one chapter). There seem to be the necessary layers of myth and factions and good vs. evil necessary to a thoroughly enjoyable fantasy story, and for that, I commend you (not being a world-maker myself, I'm always impressed when somebody is able to take the time and patience and creativity and build a believable one). I also th...

Amusing and clever, which is certain to score you points across the board. Also timely. On a pure poetry level, I think there's more you could do with this. I like the short rhythm and one-three word lines, but I think the brevity of this poem limits your ability to nuance your theme/point. You pretty much lay it out for us, and what I think makes poetry interesting is its ability to be ambiguous, to have shades of meaning layered in the words and their presentation. I wouldn't change the sty...

Hi. Since you had to bring up the lemur stew, I couldnt resist.... Once again, very very funny. I have less complaints about this peice, defintely more things I like. I like the rhyming. Something this silly should rhyme I think. It also has a nice rhythm, trips right along in my head as a read it. I sort of get the impression that the narrator is a tad unhinged, which adds to the hilarity of the whole thing. The lemur enjoying the stew made from his tail is a particularly nice touch as well ...

Hi. You're right this is short. I could see it working as a portion of a chapter (or even a chapter) in a novel. As a short story, even as flash fiction, I'm not sure it does enough. I'll explain that more below. First, the things I like. I like how your language evokes the feeling of speed. The words rush through my brain, which is a nice touch for a story about sprinting and running. I also like how you integrate character motivation into the action. I think that sort of thing helps draw th...

I both like and am disturbed by this story. The main character's domineering attitude isn't just the tone of a bore or an asshole, but of something scarier. It has this formal ring to it, like he's playing out some sort of dominance fantasy, and I'm not sure what to think of that. That said, the voice does change substantially throughout the peice. He starts almost lost, in no control of his life, drifting and afraid, and ends with an incredible bit of personal power, particularly over these ...

J.L., This is a difficult review to do, knowing how close you are to the story. On a purely objective level, there are things I think would make this stronger as fiction. On a personal level... only you really know how that story's supposed to go. In a way, I think this kind of story is almost more dangerous to the writer than anything else because it's impossible to get distance and you're always struggling with the right way to show real people. There are things I like. I like the use of th...

Well... this is a workable beginning. I can tell that you primarily have written poetry in the past, because it has many of the things that can make poetry work, which, in this case, seem a tad bit awkward in a short story. By that I mean experiments with language, carefully chosen words, alliteration ("subtle yet superior scent") and a stylized presentation of teh subject of the story. My advice - keep that stuff, becuase it gives you an interesting style and some technique tricks unknown to...

What can I say? Sometimes even I get bored. This could be better. A lot better. In fact stylistically, it's a mess. Sure, it's better than most of the internet writing dross--but you know that you're better than the herds, so spare me the standard dose of arrogance, hm? Would you sell this? I wouldn't buy it if I were an agent, but I know you, so I may be biased. I will say that the writing is amateurish by your standards, however, and you've passed the point where you get precocious points (...

Hi. I'm struggling for the right way to say what I think about this. So if sometimes I'm a bit harsher or more blunt than I mean to be, don't take it as an affront. What I see going on here is a complicated tangle of good and bad, and a hard problem to verbalize. There is some genuinely nice language in here. I like the reversal on the usual saying in the first line. It takes an otherwise overused platitude (never mistake compassion for weakness) and gives it a hard edge. "Meaning flits somew...

Priceless. I have now copied this, pasted it, and will keep it forever to remind you. You are best when you are more like this and less like your usual self. And yes, I know this isn't a proper review, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. -cc