changes's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Staten Island, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
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Version 2
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CHAPTER FOUR--VANESSA Vanessa Viermont Brent was unaware of the beauty of the spring morning as she sat in the dark recesses of Bradley's Tavern nursing her beer. The only demonstration of the brightness of the day was the stray sunbeam which made its slow journey across the tavern floor, the dust motes dancing gaily in its radience. In the quiet, conforting darkness, however, it was perpetual evening, and Vanessa liked it that way. She sat nesled in the corner of the leather-covered b...
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
CHAPTER FOUR--VANESSA Vanessa Viermont Brent was unaware of the beauty of the spring morning as she sat in the dark recesses of Bradley's Tavern nursing her beer. The only demonstration of the brightness of the day was the stray sunbeam which made its slow journey across the tavern floor, the dust motes dancing gaily in its radience. In the quiet, conforting darkness, however, it was perpetual evening, and Vanessa liked it that way. She sat nesled in the corner of the leather-covered bo...
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Version 2
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Is it the way you sing as your whisper drifts through my soul Or how on the dance floor you're doing your thing stepping to every relevant beat no distraction you're at attention and you're lookin' at me as I twirl to your command you move... in close I love the way you -- Is it the way you smile 'cause the blue in your eyes is intoxicating me and suddenly I can't breathe You take my life and my need for expression to a whole new level of love I've never needed air ...
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Version 1
1 Review
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Is it the way you sing as your whisper drifts through my soul Or how on the dance floor you're doing your thing stepping to every relevant beat no distraction and you're at attention and you're lookin' at me as I twirl to your command you move in close... I love the way you groove Is it the way you smile 'cause the blue in your eyes is intoxicating me and suddenly I can't breathe You take my life and my need for expression to a whole new level of love I've never needed air like this before yo...
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Version 2
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As time flies deeper into the night, I sit and wonder just what should I write. Something good or something bad? What I have or what I've had? I had a love that filled my heart, With tender kisses from the start. I often wonder why'd it end, A lack of love or a new found friend? It doesn't matter either way, Because my heart still hurts the same. Though days and months have led to years. To sit and think or shed more tears. Maybe one day soon I'll come around And make a smile out of a frown. ...
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I absolutely love this poem. I see nothing which needs correcting. What I do see, however, is how much this poem is saying. Or what I get from it. Take a breath, look around All the screams have died down You look surprised Didn’t you realize? They catch up you see, all the lies It doesn’t stay down, what you hide What do I know, I’m so inferior Must be lonely, being so superior Why be mad over things you never said These lines say so much of what I see in myself and in many of my friends. Pu...
I liked this piece, it definately made me wake up and think. Your word usage is wonderful. I couldn't ask for any more descriptions. "Puckerfucked eyes and a pillow pinched face peered sheepishly back at him from the hall mirror as he rearranged his slap shot hair." I actually would not change anything on here. I only noticed one typo and one place for editing. rather than taking you life away. taking you I totally enjoyed this. Here, he opens the box With coffee now in hand, Jeremiah set abo...
I found that I instantly became interested in this story. You have successfully convinced me of this other world and its inhabitants. I was never bored and actually looked forward to getting to the next page to see what else existed in this world. I did notice a few things, though. She affected him in ways that he didn’t understand, and her eyes haunted him. In what ways? In good ways or bad? Romantic ways or repulsive? I would like to see more detail in passages like these. Sometimes when w...
I like this poem. It is likeable and telling. I like your word usage and the feeling I get when I read this. It reminds me of how I felt with a couple of my relationships. Talk about something that matters. Like you, not me? The world that is imploding? Everything that is conforming, molding? Conforming was me and molding was him. The only thing I would do is check the spelling. Fameinity. Femeinity. Femininity
I think this is a good piece. There is clarity and a good story. Even if I didn't like poetry, I would like this. The shadow of abuse that I always thought would be right under the surface of my skin clouding my vision His shadow was clouding your vision. This captures the true essence of abuse as I've have always known it to be. And a needle under the skin--like a drug or as a tattoo shows possession. I would easily grab this piece for a women's magazine, or a book of poetry. Well done.
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