chasscot's profile

All caps... too glaring to read this. tick-tocking "It's time you rotten bastard" is more than two words. "gray drab stone" is used twice. Vary the adjectives. what is "black evil blood"? 'I hear the sound..." this sentences rambles and runs. It needs to be broken into smaller sentences or revised. "I taste the blood, coppery like a penny." Show them putting on the hood. Usually in executions they state the name of the convicted, and what they are being put to death for. They offered final wo...

Not sure what is up with the title .IN the ROOM Standard Manuscript Format would suggest IN THE ROOM - although it isn't necessary for an Urbis review either way. Oh yes, I reviewed the original... thought it looked familiar. You still need to give us more on this curtain - it doesn't go with the garage and while it means something to you, and we can piece together what it is later in the story, you really don't want the reader working this hard this early on. He pulled back the curtain . You...

I'm still laughing. Some observations - it might go better in chronological order. End with the tit for Tat, preferrably after the health care verse (it sort of follows in a poignant sort of way). So right... check the meter on a few verses... a little choppy. You spelled Ann Coulter "Anne" a couple of times. "till" is okay, but you might consider "quit until" or "'til" instead. Keeps the purists happy. Other than that... seemed structurally sound.