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chrry81's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Mexico
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
LOC: Mexico
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
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Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
5 Comments
Visions are around us, as shadows around graves. All that appears to be is sand and wind, The precious gold is nothing more than tin, All that we are is water in a wave. Worldly delights are a thing of the senses, Desires of greatness, things that cause sorrow; Are nothing but cycles, circles big and hollow; A merry go round that crushes all the fences. A stream of crystal water runs inside my conscious, It is permanent, endless; it divides my being Through the very center only two parts leav...
Version 1
16 Reviews
12 Comments
The phone rang. She picked it up, she didn’t recognize the number. She answered the call. It was some guy. He said they had met at a party, he said he knew some of her friends, he told her the names of all her friends and gave her good references of the place. She remembered the party, the faces that had been there, but she had no recollection of this person, his name meant nothing to her. He asked her how she was doing in school and about her job at the corp., had she spilled her guts to him...
Version 1
18 Reviews
16 Comments
The story begins and ends with a voice; Jack’s voice. He’s out there, he’s screaming “Help”, loud and clear. The others can hear him, safely from the ship, but there is nothing they can do: the line is broke, he’s too close to the hole, he will be sucked in… “Falling through a black hole I see time. It doesn’t appear as a clock or a white rabbit, it doesn’t seem to flow forward as we’re used to picture it. It’s just there, standing ever so still, like a transparent sphere floating in nothingn...
Version 1
19 Reviews
31 Comments
Falling thru a black hole I see time. It doesn’t appear as a clock or a white rabbit, it doesn’t seem to flow forward as we’re used to picture it. It’s just there, standing ever so still, like a transparent sphere floating in nothingness, made of nothingness. Me; I’m just my eyes, my conscience. I have no bodily being. I am outside time, observing it. Not moving in any direction, not growing old or tired, without any desires or fears. I just watch absorbed the gigantic circle of time. It seem...
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Reviews
I would classify your poem as a narrative poem. i found it very clear and grammatically correct. the content is direct and strong, it achieves the objective of transmitting the poetic persona's feelings of preoccupation as he narrates. i did not find any poetic resources as metaphors, similes or comparisons even, all the phrases are afirmative and plain. other than for the rythm, that flows pretty well, and the structure, which provides the rythm, i wouldn't have classified your text as a poe...
hey! i liked your poem a lot, although i wonder, would it stand out on its own, without having the previous explanation? perhaps it would, but not as much. that aside, and being aware of the background, i thinf it's full of very clear images and deep meanings..
hi. i think your words are good but i don't think the lines are alright. i think you didn't need to cut the lines, you could have done one single paragraph of poetic prose, because that's what it sounds like. anyway that's only my opinion, i like the content.
perhaps you have already been told but your text is missind a "D" on the second line. overall i liked it, it's entertaining and funny. i don't think the word "enough" is necessary when you say "it all started innocently", i would change that. otherwise i think it's quite good.
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